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Tuesday, January 6th, 2037
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| Subject: | Na fonazi... |
| Time: | 2:30 am. |
| Mood: |  contemplative. | | Music: | Antique - Follow Me (Oti Thelsis). |
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I sat here thinking of a way to begin an introduction without delving into those tired and ubiquitous cliches and ended up freezing. Paralyzation (of the mind) is nothing new to me at the current stage of my life. My life...interesting possessive connotation. Can I truly say that it's mine now?
Why not? Freshman in college, majoring in journalism and political science. Intership at a prestigious international news organization, repaired the damage within my family and of course, her. My Taka-chan. Possessive once again. We've experienced more then generations have in centuries and somehow still managed to survive. Hah, somehow.
I'm not going to bore you with Destiny, or Fate, or Chance, or even Life. We met. We fought. Fought them. Fought each other. Fought ourselves. And made it. There's nothing else to it. I can feel her fighting her doubt, that somehow, at sometime, I'm going to dissapear, like some dream.
Only Death itself would rob her of me, and even then, only my corporeal form. She would hold my love and my soul until Death claimed her as well, to which we'd be together once more. Heaven or Hell, Reincarnation or simply nothingness, we'd find a way.
And why? Lovers? Family? Soulmates? Sometimes, the human language fails to fully describe matters at hand. I can't put into terms the relationship I share with the woman (yes, she is a woman now, legally, even though her maturity began at a far too young age), however, I express it with every deed, every thought, every nuance of emotion and feeling.
There are days when others fade in and out of my mind; Ojike, Ayumi, Ikari. Like fleeting memories, yet never completely forgotten. They are impressions on a malleable soul that cannot be removed by Time's corrosive powers. No, protected with every ounce of potency that I own.
And so, where to go from here? The past holds no answers, merely guidelines, tears of joy and sadness, and memories to keep in heart and mind. The present is living: with, beside and for the girl in my...our bed right now. No one knows what the future holds; we move forward with the knowledge of our shared bonds and keep on smiling.
There is no other way worth living.
Wings have no need of Angels, Clouds, Saints or Demons. All they have to do, is let the spirit soar and the soul shine...
-Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
| Subject: | Labor Omnia Vincit |
| Time: | 5:00 am. |
| Mood: | contemplative. | | Music: | Antonio Berruci - Andiamo. |
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And it's true. Work does conquer all. Or so it would seem. Marina seems to be at a loss for my boundless energy. As do I. It's amazing, that caffiene and six hours of sleep give me an eighteen hour work day.
And it's paying off. Electrican came, everything checks out. Lights are all in perfect working order, central air conditioning superb, kitchen appliances connected correctly. Plumber came, all's well with that as well. Baths and showers running with no faults, pool in Olympic standard order, fountains sparkling and shining. Architects gave the foundation and the main structual sections of the hotel a clean bill of health. All in all, the hotel is running at 100% effciency. Which begs the question...
Why was it abandoned in the first place?
Was it a Mafia stronghold? Did the Italian police shut it down? Haunted?
It could be all of those, it could be none. Marina says that she has no idea and her father wishes not to speak of it, which makes me all the more suspicious of what exactly is the history behind this amazing piece of art and real estate.
Angemon, after three tireless days, has completed the cleaning of the massive fresco on the ceiling. Its enormous breadth, coupled with it's intricate depictions of Heaven and Hell are a wonderful visual feast to all that even step inside my home.
And it truly is my home. Why I have not been dragged away by the Italian government for owning a hotel, is beyond me. Not really, I'm sure Signore Francesco has something to do with it. Frankly, it doesn't bother me one bit. This hotel, and its occupants, are all I really have. Since I have come here, my blood and sweat has been poured into this building. Vacumning, watering the plants, sweeping the floors. Trimming the plants, tasting the food, even making the beds sometimes. With maximum occupancy at around 30 people, I really have no need to hire more then the two maids and five waiters for the dining area.
And I feel better and I'm sure my customers do, when they see me around a lot. Checking on them, making sure everything is ok. Courtesy is everything in this business. And I go the extra mile to make sure I'm courteous. In my free time, I have managed to catch up on some light reading. Plato's Republic, Dante's Inferno and a variety of history and what college counselors would call "liberal arts" topics. A little of science, a little of art, a little of economics, a little of politics. I've dipped my finger into quite the bevy of things. And I like it that way.
It's an interesting feeling. I'm controlling my own life. Paying bills, dealing with stipends, moving along with purchases and deposits. All this, and so much more, at the simple age of fifteen. And because I have no clue when my birthday is, I can't find out when I age until my body starts showing signs of growth.
A interesting fact that has remained in my head deals with the issue of the actual cliental of the hotel. Out of the seventeen people staying at my humble abode, six are teenagers like myself, minus me and Marina. In random order:
Ishida Takara: This aspiring Eurp-Techno DJ artist has a lot of spirit, a lot of "gusto," if you well. She hit a bump in the road with her manager, but I know she'll pull through. And for some reason, she gave me this interesting jade bracelet. Quite kind of her.
Yagami Masako: I don't know her very well. She came along with Takara, and as such, would be under the same payment plan as her friend. While not relatives, their closeness indicates strong ties, to say the very least. Extremely shy. Both her and Takara seem of Japanese origin as well, another strange occurance.
Inoue-Yofun Rido: Another teen I barely have relations with. Stopped by for a snack, which of course, as the manager, out of courtesy, procured for him. Paying his stay quite well. The boy seems quite caustic for his age, at least for my first impression, in his awkwardness with deal with another customer's intoxication.
Shinicuoro Ayumi: According to Marina, the daughter of Senor Fernando, the Don of the Spanish Mafia. High class, well-mannered and obviously well off. Her extreme payment had put the hotel in the green for quite a while now, which allowed me to give leverage to Signora Takara and Signora Masako. Although the last I saw of her, she was intoxicated, I still believe that she is a cultured and worldly woman. And common sense dictates not to be rude to the Don's daughter. Enough said.
Motomiya Kaworu: ...I am at a loss for words. The boy says he knows me. He says I know him. He says a lot of things. What I do know, is the fact that he surely know how to cook. In fact, he cooks so well, that he is now my head chef. And the boy cannot be older then me. One could not think what a powerful generation we have become. Thirty years ago, such things were simply impossible. Kaworu is an interesting child indeed, almost as shy as Masako. But already, he's proved himself to me. He's a member of the hotel, and in the true Italian fashion, a member of the family, now.
Motomiya Ojike: Absolutely nothing known about him, I merely caught a glimpse, verifying his adolescence and ethnic origin, Japanese. Curiouser and curiouser.
And there you have it. Things simply get more mysterious. But I find myself enjoying this, like reading a mystery novel from inside out. Either way, work still has to be done.
Buon Giorno e ci vediamo.
Rosso di sera, fa bel tempo si spera.
-Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
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Wednesday, July 2nd, 2036
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| Subject: | Terra Incognita |
| Time: | 5:00 am. |
| Mood: | curious. | | Music: | Avara Lascenda - Long Journey Ahead. |
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Unknown ground. Unknown world. Unknown me. At this point in time, I lack sufficient knowledge to post anything of any relevance. My name is Shirou Takaishi, or so they tell me. “They,” would be the family that found my Digimon and I floating in the Mediterranean Sea off the coast of Napoli. Unconscious all the way to their home in Rome, I woke up in a lavish and utterly extravagant room. I honestly don’t remember much before I woke up. I knew my name, which was confirmed by both my Digimon and by Signora Roberta and Signore Francesco. I knew what a Digimon was. The Patamon resting currently in my lap seems to have partial memory loss as well. I know he can Digivolve into Angemon. I know basic common sense. I know mathematics, science, philosophy, and politics. I know how to speak English and some broken Japanese and Italian, fortunate for me indeed, with my saviors.
But other then hard knowledge, I really know nothing of my past. My clothes was tattered and torn, my cell phone was drenched and broken. I had two coral bracelets on my wrists; they now stare at me from the nightstand. A few scars on my body, but nothing else to show any indications of my past life. The family doctor gave me a clean bill of health, with excellent fitness for a child of fifteen. Again, fifteen was an estimate given by the dottore, I have no recollection of my birthdate, or of who my parents were. When I asked Patamon what he could remember, his reply ran along the lines of a “digital malfunction.” Further insistence would procure names like “ Takeru “ and “ Kasaya. “ What they all mean, I have yet to find out. But rest assured, I will get to the bottom of this. As cliché as it sounds, I have a burning desire to solve this mystery and find out who I really am.
Rome truly is the Eternal City. Signore Francesco’s daughter, Marina, had given me the pleasure of a grand tour. From the piazzas to the vie, the chiese to the Coliseum itself, a testament to the creative power and the utter potency of the West. I was drawn to the library by her house, of which Marina graciously allowed me to borrow some books on her card. That’s another thing, I had no real identification on me. This is all being worked out as I type, seems that Signora Roberta has a soft spot for me, said I looked like her son that drowned in the very same spot I was found, almost fifteen years ago to this day. She plans to procure identification and birth records for me, with her connections to the infamous Italian Mafia. Nowadays, as I am told, Japanese youths flock to Italy for its culture and its women, it’s a perfection mirage to blend into.
The books I borrowed are on a variety of subjects, ranging from logic to molecular genetics to applicable chemistry to Digital systems. I shock myself on how I absorb the knowledge from these sources. While no speed-reader, key concepts remain locked in my memory. To be poetic in a mannerism, it seems as if my mind refuses to let anything else get away. I’m happy to comply with it, believe you me. As I glance into the mirror, I observe and analyze myself. My hair is of a shimmering silver coloration, well conditioned and taken care of. Chrome of my epidermis a healthy and appealing copper-tone, far darker then most Japanese, bordering more on Hawaiian or Indonesian then anything else. My eyes would be the in the category of “storm-grey,” the fabled coloration used on characters in novels and movies to indicate solidarity and significance. Body type would be characterized as “slender,” with sinew and tautness reminiscent of a swimmer. Again, the irony; a swimmer’s build, almost drowned in the majestic Mediterranean.
It is late at night. The house is quiet, with its kind benefactors asleep for the moment. For some reason beyond me, I was compelled to come to this site, as if it contained a link to the past that I need. But I don’t even know where to begin to search. The Internet, let along the world, contains infinite amounts of information. And I have neither the time nor the tools to sift through it all. Either way, the presence of this journal is a reassurance and a guide for me. Urges to think things completely through, to plan things out, all these nascent instincts are a powerful impact on how I carry myself.
Regardless of the past, I dare say that I am happy to be alive. Correction, very happy to be alive. Profuse and endless thanks were and will continue to be given to the Piscini family, for a debt to them that I can never repay. I know I will have to leave them soon, to find my own path in life. But for now, it’s a moment of reflection and absorption.
I strive to change terra incognita into terra firma.
Ciao.
Rosso di sera, fa bel tempo si spera.
-Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
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Thursday, June 26th, 2036
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Within a countless shower of man-made caloric sections, the cause of the Kaizer Virus' rebirth was incinerated last night. The consequent meteor shower was an eye-opener and a sight to behold.
My "crusade against Ojike and Takara" is going quite well. So far, I haven't cracked, and neither have they, from what I can tell. Oh yes, by cracked, I mean breaking down and reaccepting them for who they are and what they could possibly be to me. If you mean breaking down as breaking down, I've been doing that for the last four hours. After the six party of the evening, I said "No more," to come home and cry in peace and solitude.
For four hours, I cried, I sobbed, I cursed everything and anyone who's ever made my fifteen years of life a living hell. From Gojyo to Seishi to Ayumi to Kaworu, from Setsuna to Rido to Ojike and Takara, I have lost them all and gained so little. I am eternally grateful for last night's moments with Setsuna. While the girl is haughty and overbareing, she too, possesses "un cuore di oro," and that's what makes her a friend of the ages. Once again, thank you Setsuna, and you too, Rido, for your kind words.
While watching the shower, my mind drifted back to this song of Otousan's once again. Takeru had played so much music of the 1990's and 00's, that I have it permanently ingrained in my mind. It's appropriate, in so much more so with one particular lyric that goes like this:
Look beyond where hearts can see...
That...is exactly what I must do. I must ignore the massive loss of my heart, the excrutiating loss of my mind and the utter neglect of my body. I must be stronger then anyone, past, present and future. I must persevere...or I will die. And somethings are just simple like that.
What I find disturbing is that I haven't taken up Angela or Ryan or anyone else on their offers of actual pity sex. I refuse to defend myself, I refuse to bow to other people's intricate and misguided morals. I don't sleep with complete strangers, I don't practice dangerous --as opposed to safe-- sex and I'm most certainly not some drugged out nymphomaniac. But let me tell you from experience, there is nothing better to soothe your worries then fall into the arms of one you trust. One you care for. One you know will be there for you.
Setsuna's little diatribe on Fate was a fortifying experience. Whether the girl had intended on boosting my morale, --of which I do believe is what she wanted, too clever for her own good-- or simply a random topic, I reaffirmed that my life was my own. That every action I made had a reaction. That that reaction would cause another action and the ripples in the pond of Life would continue. I would continue to throw my own stones, to place them in the vast water where I wanted, not where some imaginary force dictates it so. I have taken my own life --literally-- into my own hands, --seven pills in my hands-- I'm not about to stop now.
The real stickler here, is something that's shocking and that's not:
I miss Ikari.
I miss my best friend of 15 years. I miss the person that will hold a special place in my life forever. I miss the boy that means more to me then anyone else. Ojike was the alter-ego, Takara was the soul mate, Masako my concurrent Angelic Chosen. But he surpasses them all. And he always will.
Which would give to the reason I'm wearing one of his shirts. It's enormous on me, this old, white, simple t-shirt. Goes down to my knees, looks like a night gown. I can see the tears and rips in it; most likely it was used during one of his training sessions. And the little flecks of blood just make it that much more powerful.
Looking at myself in the mirror, the bags under my eyes, the expansive shirt and the dishevled status of my persona, give to the appearance of my being "fallen." To be utterly dramatic and poetic, a "fallen angel." For that is what I am. My wings are broken, but I will not stop soaring. My blade is dull, but I continue to thrust and parry. My armor is damaged, but still defends me. The precipitating tears do nothing but make me stronger, the sobs from my mouth only let out emotions that take up valuable space and the thoughts will soon vanish like the blackberry twilight before me.
Ayumi and Kaworu are off to Australia, most likely going to consummate their relationship. As always, now and forever, I wish them the best. I pray that Life hands them a better hand for Love. While they haven't been around, I know from Jyou-san that Gojyo and Seishi are quite content. And last night's display from Setsuna and Rido fortify that relationship as well. One by one, the Chosen have all been affected by me and came out on top. I am almost certain that Ojike and Takara will leave on a vacation as well.
It pains me to say this, but I have no where to go and no one to go with. If anything, my solitary, voluntary summer class begins this morning. And if nothing else, it's Intermediate Adolescent Psychology. As if I needed even more knowledge on the subject.
Although my writing skills are only adequate, I still think that in someway or form, after all this is over, I would love to write a book. A source of information on this expansive and highly charged section of my life.
I do not know when the Guardians will resume their plans. I do not know if they are sentient of the loss of the barrier preventing their rearousal. What I do know, is that I look forward to burying Kaia once and for all. You can never get rid of the past, you can only embrace it, learn from it and then store it where it cannot hurt you. And that will be done, along with everything else.
What I need now, is a change. A change so dramatic, that it would completely breakdown what I am, what I look like, what I can take and let me remold it into whatever I want. I think I'll dye my hair. And contacts were fun last time. I need to change appearances, for no matter the trite quotes, what shows on the outside, does wonders for the inside and does highly affect matters of external consignation.
It was so very kind of Angemon to hold me as I spilt my tears. Hope is eternal, I doubt that not. But he knows, just as I do, that somethings are beyond reach and that everyone must face up to reality. Those that live in fantasy...don't live it all. The little potroast is now sleeping soundly in my lap.
A new goal has been planned, despite the risks. It is obvious, the quadrangle of love between Masako, Ojike and Takara. I don't care if they don't see it, I don't care if they don't feel it yet. I have lifetimes of experience backing my claim up and the feelings, tension and sensations are all there. One by one, we would slowly destroy each other, after everything we fought for. But I will not allow that. Because I am the Counselor. I am the Friend. And a glance to Rido's goggle gift on my nightstand, proves I am the Savior.
While it was highly nosey of Kaworu and Ayumi to search through my personal belongings, it actually helped me in a sense. What is in that trunk, was neglected for the longest of times. And as I told Setsuna last night, I am not graced with a private life. I wear everything on my sleeves, which makes for the uncanny blend of Heaven and Hell.
All this had lead up to Masako sleeping soundly in my bed. Extremely soundly, the poor girl must be absolutely exhausted mentally. For one her age, she's surprisingly strong. Coming home from the last party, I rummaged through that sacred trunks, digging up the past and burying it once again. But one item stuck out, more then the rest.
And Masako is wearing it right now.
Again, sound asleep. It wasn't easy, but the removal of her clothes was done. And on the sleeping Chosen of Light, is now the last real relic I own of Kaia's.
The first time she slept over my house, her attire was this glossy satin apricot nightgown. And as Life would have it, this past raiment fit my Angelic Chosen perfectly. It melds to her and she makes it her own.
And here we are, the Twin Angels. I wrapped in fortified strength, lended to me by someone I need right now more then anyone else, and her ensconced in a memory that I cherish, despite the pain. I finish this entry now, for my body requires rest. She looks absolutely stunning, I look absolutely vunerable.
And we will slip into sweet oblivion together. One way or another, this fallen angel will once again, put it all on the line for his friends.
One way or another, you will love me, Masako-chan.
And somehow, I will love you back...
A sigh escapes from heaven
And the world's end...
Wings have no need of Angels, Clouds, Saints or Demons. All they have to do, is let the spirit soar and the soul shine...
-Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
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Saturday, June 21st, 2036
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| Subject: | Sette Piu Quindici Fa Paradiso |
| Time: | 6:00 am. |
| Mood: | contemplative. | | Music: | Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles. |
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Words. Japanese. English. German. Roman Script. Arabic Script. Katakana. To each their own, with each their strengths and weaknesses. All share one thing in common.
The inability to properly describe a miracle.
Everyone has dreams. Good dreams are termed dreams, bad dreams termed nightmares. I had a dream recently. My dream looked as if it was foreshadowing. The Kaizer Virus had corrupted Masako as well. And in the end, the final battle would ensue. We would fight in the Digital World. I as Darkness, Takara as Love, Kaworu as Death. The binary oppositions to Ojike’s Light, Masako’s Friendship and Ayumi’s Life. There were countless casualties, all Digimon, in our paths, our armors being tested to the max.
And as I struck Ojike down to the ground, crimson viscous tainting his immaculate armor, I looked at him. Do you know what he said to me?
“ It was destiny for me to die by your hands. “
And with a shout and a roar, I brought my trident down for the final time.
And that’s when I woke up in my bed, all alone once again.
Foreshadowing? You’ll see.
As I stared into the blackness of my room, I had no idea that night would be the Day of Reckoning. I had simply went to Odiaba Park to practice my fighting finesse. All my time with Cody-san has been paying off, immensely. While still distant from Ikari, I am far better then I was even a month ago. Slip into my shadowy attire, I gave a hard look at the tritium breastplate. To take it or to not take it, was the question at hand. In the end, I decided against it. Simple walk in the night to the park; confident in my skill and aptitude.
I ended up in the wooded section bordering the lake, exactly where I wanted to be. With the thick forest canopy, celestial luminescence was denied access. In total darkness, I slashed and hacked, riveted and parried, thrusted and arced. Back flip, front flip, somersaults. And it was infuriating. The inability to live a normal teenage life had slipped from my fingers, like so many other things. I channeled that anger; let it completely overtake me. And used it to its fullest extent.
I was well aware of the chain of events that needed to occur. With the Kaizer’s downfall, would come the shutting down of the solar collector, ending the damnable flares and most likely, letting the Guardians return to their original plan. What I had not expected was the appearance of an old, dead flame. Kaia, in the lack-of-flesh, had “graced” me with her presence. Same old taunts, same old game, same old instance of manipulation and pain. I, for one, frankly couldn’t care less about her ranting and raving. Worthless words and arrogant posture.
Taunting the taunter, I moved out of the shade and into the clearing, finding myself on a bench. The wench actually did something worthwhile, pointing out Masako, Takara and him in the distance. She took my confusion and utter resolve as a sign to stick by me, like some ethereal plague. I was pumped, I was pissed and I was in the mood to wreak some havoc.
And so, I made my way over and confronted the trio. With raindrops falling, Masako fled in tears, with Ojike on her tail. Takara’s bitterness was evident and Kaia’s words were reverberating in my ears.
” She can’t love you, none of them can, only I can love you…”
Flicking off the ghostly pestilence, I proceeded, with much empathy in voice and visual, to address my soul mate, with all the inflection in my being. Much to the detriment of my ex, we embraced, making up for the last few days of tension and anxiety between us. She of course, was not pleased and began her usual spat of unpleasant remarks. My boiling point was far past explosion, having quite enough of the demonic bitch. Taking my severed halves of my trident, I flung them at her, full force.
The next few moments passed in slow motion. Non-corporeal hues went demonic-red; as she used whatever unearthly power she possessed to flip the tridental halves over, forcing them back at us with lightning speed. No, wait, I correct that. She aimed completely for Takara, ignoring me. With an arrogant “ Au revoir, “ she vanished, leaving deadly Guardianial projectiles soaring towards my soul mate.
Without thought, my body moved of its own accord. It was quick enough to clash my gloves together, creating a sufficient magnetic field to divert one of them into the ground. I was not as fortunate for the second, as it embedded itself into my stomach, causing quite the nasty gash. It was interesting, the cliché moment of my life flashing before me, actually happened. It didn’t with the Ecstasy, but at that point in time, it did. I saw Mom, I saw Dad, and I saw Ikari. Ryan, Angela, Cody-san. Time in the beach, time in the meadow. Time in the school, time with family, time with friends. The recent aspects were the most powerful. The final flash was remembrance of the glorious night shared with Ojike and Takara, most likely the most powerful memory I will ever hold.
Takara was by now, weeping openly, as I was. Removing, quite painfully, the section from my stomach, I forced my mind to realize it had over-exaggerated the extent of the damage. Yes, there was a gash, but even with my brief medicinal knowledge, knew it would be far from fatal, regardless of the blood. Mia cugina applied pressure to the wound, as it soaked my raven shirt with crimson, adding to the darkness of it all.
And then.
And then, and then, and then.
Slow motion happened once again.
Ojike, Kaizer, who ever it was, decided to come join us. At that moment, I didn’t know; I really didn’t care. Getting my footing, I regarded the teen, waiting for something, for anything to occur. The next words spilt from his mouth, shocked me to my core and will remain to haunt me forever.
“ It is destiny for me to die by your hands. “
Worlds shook, stars collided, the universe came to a halt. Frozen in my space, I didn’t know how my weapon found its way to my hands again, but I noticed Ojike too close for comfort. With the spikes too close for comfort. My mind reeled; the child of a Motomiya actually wanted death. Suicide. No, suicide wasn’t it. Ojike wanted me to commit homicide. The homicide of my alter ego.
I had never felt so much anger in my entire life. It was a blinding, absorbing, utterly enraging passion, flooding me and absolving me of any other feelings and emotions. I simply gave over the halves to my soul mate and proceeded to hit Ojike with the most powerful left hook I had ever produced. For him to even think of such a thing infuriated me beyond comprehension.
I noticed Ayumi’s arrival, unsure of her status in all this, what exactly was going on and what side people had taken. I did notice, sadly, for I was still very much against harming her, that my punch had affected her as well. Naught I could do about it, as the resolute Ojike literally begged Takara for the weapons in her hand.
Anger compelled me to action again, with multi-tasked movement, forcing weapons to the ground, knocking Takara away and pinning Ojike to the sodden earth in one decisive maneuver.
Pain, angst, torture, apathy, anger.
Combined, they caused me to lose control. As I pounded with my fists on Ojike’s chest and shoulders, my remaining shred of sanity caught Ayumi feeling his pain, causing me to stop in horror at my actions. It was a scene out of a movie; it was a scene from my dream.
The army was gone, but the casualties were the five now utterly twisted and damaged beings that were once five happy teens. And here I was, above Ojike again. Masako and Takara huddled in the distance, Ayumi barely hanging on.
My alter ego has the nerve to ask me to trust him, to trust him in what he asked me to do. And I thought about it. Thought about the time spent with him. The dancing, the fighting. The kisses, the caresses. The way he filled me and never let go; brought me with him to a joy that most likely would never be captured again. As his bloody form lay broken beneath me, I began to wonder why I was reaching for my trident.
It was at that moment that I spilt into two beings. Don’t ask me how, don’t ask me why. I cannot explain. Some things are beyond conception.
I was watching myself, astral form if you wish, as my body raised the weapons up high. I was a mere boy of seven years, smiling at the scene of utter pain before me. I looked up and I saw my father’s smiling, shining face. Takeru was no more then I was, age of fifteen. He tilted his head slightly and nodded.
“ You can tell him. “
A nod and a smile, with a joyous laugh. Walk up to my older self, I wrapped my arms around my chest and whispered in his ears.
” Mors ultima linea rerum est. “
I watched as sable hues went wide. Something inside its/my head snapped, understanding the ancient Latin without even knowing it. In fact, it was the astral form of my father that translated. Takeru simply glided in front of Shirou, placing hands on his shoulders with a smile.
” Death is everything’s final limit. “
Resignation, recognition, reconstitution. My eyes closed, as I remolded back with my body. You’re all welcome to think I’m crazy. You can think whatever you want. Hell, I don’t know if I believe it myself. Duality in everything, one half to the sky, the other over his heart. Two words spilled from my lips, as I prayed. Prayed for my faith to hold out. Prayed for the resolvement of everything. Prayed…for a miracle.
” Fulmenos Venite! “
Angemon, according to my father, was the Angel of Hope. Most likely still is. Could that be the reason that I shouted out “Come Lightning!” and a bolt instantaneously engulfed my skyward trident half? Could that be the reason my lips, against the wishes of my mind, body and soul, uttered:
“ I will love you always… “
Could it be the reason the divine lightning coursed through my body and compelled me to drive the other half straight into Ojike’s chest cavity?
I can say, with absolute certainty…
That I have no clue whatsoever.
But it is possible.
Things continued to move within slow motion. My breath hitched in my throat as I saw my alter ego’s hands move towards the trident, somehow stopping it right before it drove into his heart. I instantly pulled back, throwing them to the side. And I stared down at the fallen teen.
I had my Ojike back.
I cried. And cried and cried and cried. And hugged him and held him and continued to pray. I begged for him to hold on, not to leave us, that we still had salsa lessons, that we had so much more to accomplish. Even more so, I appealed to his ego, insinuating that the Motomiya name would be shamed if he gave in. All tactics to stall for the other half of the miracle to happen.
And it did.
Ayumi. Ayumi with a smile. Ayumi no longer with the tortured look in her eyes. Ayumi without the pain. My Ayumi, once again. Both of them, returned to me. And they would not be wasted.
The Child of Life bent down to both of us, radiating sheer joy from her body. You know, the cheesy moments in Life are the most powerful. You could feel essence, you could feel lifeforce, you could feel shear raw power. And it was glorious. Much like all the healers throughout the ages, she simply placed her hands on our wounds.
Gemini Charm glowed brilliant emerald green, in accordance with the immaculate white spreading out from the adjacent Masako.
And it was over. It was all over. The battle, and the war, was won.
I don’t remember how we got home, but I had never slept so sweet as that night. A vivid dream had overtaken me. At least I think it was a dream. Soaring above Odiaba, hand in hand with Angemon…hey, idea! New nickname for Angemon.
Andy! =D
I love it! Hehe.
So I was soaring with Andy in the gorgeous night sky, flying up, down, left, right. Prismatic colors below me, scintillating stars above me. I remember diving towards the park, to be “saved” at the last minute by my partner, rolling on the grass for a landing. It was so serene.
And here I am now. Patamon is resting comfortably in my lap. I always choose this time to write, sunrises are just gorgeous from my window. Whatever the future holds, I’ll be ready for it.
Once again, I am the Friend.
Once again, I am the Counselor.
Once again, I am with so many…
And so utterly alone.
Wings have no need of Angels, Clouds, Saints or Demons. All they have to do, is let the spirit soar and the soul shine...
-Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
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Thursday, June 12th, 2036
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It’s amazing how far technology has progressed in these years since I have been brought into existence. 10 years ago, I would have never recognized half the things that surround me now. Including myself. At my current location, I have the ability to dictate directly into my journal, saving my hands for the current task at hand. That shall be left for last, but first, a recap.
The plan was a success. I had successfully pulled off the entire video of the now-retired Jennifer Lopez. Waiting For Tonight was once again, one of my father’s greatest, if not only, American songs. I would hear it constantly at home, especially when he and my mom would go out for dinner or for dancing. Whenever she would walk through the door, the song would be playing. He would do some silly little move on our hardwood floor, she would blush and begin to tear up, and I would laugh like the little kid I was. I’m still laughing now. What a guy, my dad.
After memorizing all her moves and the chrono-synchronization of the video, I set forth in pulling in all my favors. Spoke to Dr. Fukisama, an old friend of my mother, who pulled some strings and put together the technology for the waterfall scene. He was apparently glad to have a break from the solar flare research and his work paid off tremendously. Spoke to Torigama Akido, an old writer friend of my father from Columbia University. He actually, with a bunch of his friends, put in the canoe mechanism into the stage, allowing for the perfect mimicry of that integral part. Seems like the writer had a bit of carpentry in him, ne?
And it took no stretch at all, to be able to ask the security guards present that day to extend and use the water canons to imitate the video to its last section. And there you have it. Decked out in these…dare I say, “skimpy” shorts and this extremely tight tank top, the color scheme was custom found to match my skin tone flawlessly. The result? Looked like I was wearing nothing at all. Throw on a few specks of silver glitter and streak my hair with honey-blonde, and I, Takaishi Shirou, became Jennifer Lopez.
The experience up on stage would be impossible to describe. I’d just like to say thank you, from the bottom of my soul, to everyone who made it possible. Special thanks to Ryan and Angela, who was dancing up there right with me, studying through the night endlessly to pull off the choreography. They were insoluble as friends, and I thank them profusely. I really was pleased with the entire performance, able to capture her erotic exoticness and sultry atmosphere. And of course, it was all symbolism, to perk the attention of the two, the two the plan was enacted for.
Yes, I took the seven pills. Not only did I take the seven pills of E, I managed to pull some more strings and bar myself from all the hospitals in a ten-mile radius. Don’t ask it wasn’t pretty. And it was sheer luck that Gojyo’s dad, Jyou, was attending a medical conference in Spain. So there you have it. My ultimatum was set forth to the two: I had a 50-50 chance of survival from the overdose, and all I wanted for the possibly last night on earth, was a chance to be with them both, together, conjoined.
Couple of things: First off, the chances weren’t 50-50. They were more like…70-30, to be honest. I chose seven on the premises of the Seven Deadly Sins in the Christian religion. Once again my mind is a little weird these days don’t mind it. Second: I knew exactly the risks in taking the overdose; I didn’t realize how weak it left me the following morning, which is important, later on.
And there you have it. Up until that night, no matter my advances and my seductions and my simple sexual fun, as I like to coin it, I was a virgin. There was no other way in the world I would have been happier giving it up. The foreplay, the mid-play and the endplay, all appropriated their places with absolute perfection. It was most certainly, the best night of my life, without a doubt in my mind. All further sexual encounters, will most certainly be put to the test up against it, if not be crushed by it.
And so, after the utter exhaustion had finally crept into me, I managed to make it to my room and collapsed on my bed for a good number of hours. Waking up that day, brought tears to my eyes. Whether it was divine intervention, my own sheer willpower, or even something digital, I can’t say. But I was happy to be alive, if not extremely weak and sore all over. Tossed on a robe and slowly, ever so slowly, went down the stairs.
And it began. Sipping my tea, enjoying the ambiance with Takara, Ayumi and Ojike, I began to notice the tension between my alter ego and I. This tension would erupt sadly, as I attempted to comfort the child. I was literally hoisted into the air within a chokehold, barely able to breathe, let alone fight back. The kicker to this was being slammed through Ikari’s cedar coffee table, which left me entirely stunned, among other things.
Takara and Ayumi to the rescue, doing their best to stop him. Eventually, he regained control, let out a wail and tried to run out of the apartment, not getting very far. I was on the verge of losing consciousness, even with Takara as my link to reality. I was still clueless as to what was going on at the moment. Eventually I couldn’t fight it, my body still needed recuperation and I drifted off into slumber once again.
When I had awoken, it had been the evening of the following night, if not the early morning hours. Room bathed in darkness, I woke up to Kaworu slowly moving towards me. It seems that he and Ayumi are now in love, which lead to his endless search for her in the Digital World, where Ojike had went with her. It really was some twist; with the flares disrupting the Digital Barriers that the Guardians had placed over the Digital World, we were allowed entry again. Whether this was for better or for worse, or even for as how long it will last, I still have to see.
Kaworu shortly left afterward. I soon followed, ensconced in nothing but a navy trench coat, no time to dress, no energy to dress, would be more like it. Typing in the coordinates, I soon apparated in the Digital World and began my immediate search for my friends. Still very weak, I used a nearby fallen branch as my cane, if you wish to call it that. Found Kaworu, but as Life would have it, Ayumi found us.
Time for description now, of what I know: Motomiya Ojike has become the sequel to the infamous Ichijouji Ken, who had been the Digital Kaizer during my father’s time. This Kaizer entity has captured Ayumi and literally enslaved her to his command. Of how he managed to pull off such a thing, I do not yet know. I do know that his digital enhancements and psychosis make him an extremely dangerous being.
Back to the story. Ayumi ushered Kaworu and I into the castle, of which I played the “bait,” appealing and distracting Kaizer long enough to let Kaworu get out with Ayumi. Still extremely weakened, I was unable to stop him from driving a sword into my stomach. That would have most certainly been the end of my, if the Ojike I knew and cared for, didn’t somehow regain control and heal me miraculously.
All in all, he eventually left me by myself, which was the biggest mistake of the egomaniac he could ever make. Creeping along to the Kaizer’s bedroom, I situated myself quite nicely. Making use of the emergency first-aid kit I knew would be there, I dressed my wounds as best I could, falling into deep slumber. When I awoke, I instantly booted up a computer terminal.
I managed to find a map of the fortress, printed it out and memorized it, among other things. And of course, the Kaizer’s plans. Seems that he is growing something in the basement, some mutant Digimon, much like the Chimeramon that Ken had created. But, obviously, the most important thing would be the connection between the solar flares and the insurgence of the Kaizer at this point and time.
With the massive influx of solar radiation, the Digital World was bombarded with various high level energy sources, gamma, x-ray, and ultraviolet. To the human body, these forms of energy are highly dangerous, if not fatal. But to the Digital World, they are not only highly corrosive; they change the very fabric of the Digital Plane. It is this transformation that has given the Kaizer Virus the rebirth it craved. For eons, we all know of the eternal struggle between Good and Evil, Light and Dark.
Whether the radiation had twisted the processes of the virus, I’m not sure. But somehow, someway, it now believes that it’s…”good.” The virus and it’s infected, believes it’s doing the work of the Light. And as such, as the Digital World is literally “ a field of dreams, “ the surrounding environment, aspects and actions, will be proscribed to that of the Light.
What I’m trying to say is that the Kaizer is supposedly now some sort of Digital Messiah, probably without him even knowing it. His fortress may look like some sick chateau of Death, but slowly, surely, it will metamorph into this falsely shining beacon of hope. Five words can sum it all up: The Light has become tainted.
Field of Dreams, indeed. The Sun has always been seen as a major source of power for the Light, it didn’t surprise me when I figured out this abomination that had occurred. Most assuredly, Ojike’s mind will be twisted as such. Exactly how and what Kaizer will do with the digitized power of the Light, I do not know. But one thing is for sure…
I will fight it.
And so, here I am, in an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of Tokyo. I was quick to inform my mother’s closest circle of friends of the situation at hand. The flares are taking up all of their time; they’re lucky if they have an hour of sleep, at most. Haha, Dr. Akinowa is now laughing, saying it’s more like twenty minutes. Gotta love them.
We all agreed on one thing: In order to combat the tainted Light, we must fight back with purified Darkness. It isn’t hard to picture how this can come into existence. Certain elements, when mixed or reacted with each other, cause reactions that literally absorb, nullify, even eradicate, all sources of photonic energy around them. These chemicals are key to my even having a chance against the now tainted Ojike.
I am currently decked out in this marvelous obsidian breastplate. It’s quite impressive…and quite fashionable, if I say so myself. ……Haha Dr. Korusama says that she can’t wait to have me strut down the catwalk. All in due time, Doctor, all in due time. The breastplate is comprised of solid tritium, an almost indestructible, but extremely new and untested, solid form of hydrogen. I’m not going to ask how they got a hold of it……uh oh; they say their going to have to kill me afterwards for now knowing about it. Damnit, I wanted to go to Mexico for vacation!
As you can see, my spirits are decently high. They need to be, for what’s at stake. In the end, this little…”sub quest” from the Guardians will come down to a clash between my alter ego and I, the infinitive battle between Light and Dark. And yet, things couldn’t be more different, more twisted in this well-known epic struggle. Before the sun rises, I will be quite, quite prepared for this upcoming meeting. Fortified purpose once again, the only thing keeping me from utter annihilation.
As I glance to the ashen coral bracelet on the table, I know I must leave it behind me, in order for this to succeed. Already now have two onyx coral bracelets on my wrists, raven necklace gracing my flesh. Even went as far as putting in sable contacts. Of course, these aren’t merely for show. They’re all outfitted, all prepared, and all worthy of assisting me in the battle against the Light.
And so, I end this entry. Whatever happens now, I take into my own hands. Being somewhat of an agnostic, I really don’t depend on God much. But if He is out there, I’m sure He is not pleased with the way His Light has been tainted. And so, I pray. Pray…and act. Always to act, no matter what. For the Chosen, for our planet, for the Digital World…and especially for Takara and Ojike, I cannot lose.
I will not lose.
For once…
And only once…
Darkness will triumph over the Light.
Wings have no need of Angels, Clouds, Saints or Demons. All they have to do, is let the spirit soar and the soul shine...
-Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
| Subject: | Una Noche Mas |
| Time: | 6:00 am. |
| Mood: |  determined. | | Music: | Jennifer Lopez - Waiting For Tonight. |
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I have no excuses for not updating. That problem in itself is beyond mundane at the moment. Callous I might be, but you're an inanimate object, so difference it makes not.
You are well aware of the past feelings for Ojike that were pushed down into the depths of my soul in order for him and Takara to flourish. You are well aware of the amazing way the two of us seem to meld into one being, even more so now. But that's later in my little outpouring.
The weeks have gone by with utter meniality. My mother has informed me that because of the use of the planet's new solar collectors in the ionosphere, the Sun has decided to flare up violently 1000% more then normal. Solar flares, sunspots, you want it, you got it. This celestial action is completely disturbing all digital apparatus around the world and there's nothing that can be done about it. On the plus side, while our top scientists are attempting to fix this little problem, it seems that the incoming massive solar ejections are disrupting the plans of the Zodiac Guardians. It's the only explanation I have for the final one not appearing. And that, makes this a blessing and a curse.
I caught up with Takara three days ago. My adorable cousin was just returning from a rave, spastastic raver outfit and all. I had just finished Dante's Inferno, good book by the way, and so decided for a stroll in the park. She happily agreed to come with and off we went.
It's nice with Takara. Arm and arm, we strolled through, across cement, concrete and grass, observing the people around us. Younger kids playing in the grass, teens our age playing with a frizbee and water guns. Adults cuddling under a tree, elders holding hands on a bench. Different stages of Life and yet, still all the same.
It wasn't long till we reached the renovated meadow in Odaiba Park. Words don't do it justice. An emerald sea, dotted with verdant trees. Like a shimmering jewel bursting with sheer lifeforce. The storm clouds overhead didn't bother either of us. Just added to the ambiance.
I remember as a kid, Yamato and my father use to take turns, rolling down the hills with me. Those were happy times, I was seven, the second most perfect age in existance. We rolled and we laughed and we were in Heaven. Nothing else to be said.
And that night, I was in Heaven once again. Takara in denim, I in all-white, rolled down those hills as if nothing else in the world mattered. And it didn't. With our bodies interlocked, the outside world ceased to exist. The struggle --and the pleasure-- was all internal.
The skies opened up on us. Literally opened up on us. Onyx atmosphere, spilling down silver rain. It was breathtaking...and it soaked us to the core.
We trudged back up the hill and decided for one more roll, in the now sodden earth. For a twist, she used the then-saturated ground to propell me like a sled, flying down at speeds that left our hearts racing.
Shelter was eventually taken underneath a weeping willow. Soaked, muddied, stained with verdant power. Breathing hot and heavy, solitary raindrops falling on our heads. We just laid there, staring at each other.
Now pause and think for a second:
A) Yes, that comes right out of a movie/novel/television.
B) Yes, it was happening in reality.
Any other couple would have easily and enjoyably gone into the most sorrid and steamy sex imaginable. But me? And Takara? We had something much more interesting done.
We joined souls.
Whether it was divine intervention, digital intervention, or even psychic intervention, I was literally connected to Takara in a way that I had never felt with anyone before. Not even Kaia, not even Ikari. And so, I came to the instant --and correct-- conclusion, that Takara is my...
Soulmate.
The word has new meaning, new context, new everything. I am 100% positive she had felt the connection as well. Which was reaffirmed as we stood in the middle of the field, storm bearing down, emerald sea complete with riveting waves. Simple words said...said it all.
Within this priceless expanse of time, I do now becon my soul to consign. To join with yours, an endless chime, to radiate eternal, to forever shine.
And that was that. Sealed, signed and delivered. We headed home, shared a comforting and cleansing bath and fell asleep in each other's arms, not for the first, nor the last, time.
I'm warning you now, the days following this, were living Hell. And I'm not exaggerating, quite understating.
After Takara sparked my rave intrest once again, I decided to do a little club hopping of my own, ending up at Club Oblivion the day after. To my utter pleasure once again, my "Chosen Radar" went off, Takara and Masako both on the dance floor.
After a few pleasent moves, I started to notice something...strange. Their actions were uncoordinated...sloppy, as if not their own. With the glassy look in their eyes, I caught on instantly.
Ecstasy was a popular drug in the 90's and in the 00's, but a sudden outbreak of deaths in the 10's caused a worldwide crackdown on it. Recently, it's made a resurgence, due to the supposed factor that it's safer. Right, and I'm King William of England.
Masako had luckily passed out and I managed to get her and Takara home in one piece. Now what does one do with a hyped up, drugged up raver, in her bedroom?
Pray.
Actually, we managed to get through it alright. Nothing major happened, and we fell right asleep again.
Asleep for almost twenty-four hours. Waking up slowly, Takara went to check on Masako, as I decided to make some tea for everyone.
A knock on the door.
I opened it.
And nearly fainted.
Ojike.
Ojike.
I must have looked as pale as a ghost. It had been eons since I saw him. The same boy, nothing changed on him. He smirked a bit, gave me a quick hug and sat me down on the couch, asking how everything was. My reply?
" A living nightmare. "
We both got a chuckle out of that, until Takara and Masako came bounding down the stairs. It wouldn't take long, from the pacifiers in their mouths, to their childish repertoire, for him to figure out what was wrong. I, of course, am a bloody idiot, in my next action.
Wanting Masako to drink her tea, I divulged her of the blueberry pacifier in her mouth and put it in my own. Takara and Ojike began to talk a bit, while me and M-chan were simply sipping away in the kitchen. Little did I know how stupid my actions were.
With Masako soon falling asleep once again, Takara came to the wonderful revelation that the pacifiers were laced, and keeping her and Masako on their E high. She flew up the stairs to her bedroom, Ojike soon followed. And I? I just stared at the pacifier in my mouth.
Laced.
To the bedroom, of which E's effects were already being made known on me. Body temperature rise, intensification of chromatic accuity, strengthening of perceptive audibility. Takara was going out of her mind, jumping out of her skin, and about as horny as they come. I was standing in the doorway, arms out against the frame, like some wannabe crucified Christ figure. And Ojike was on the floor, with Takara straddling him like a bronco.
Yup, teenage porn, you have to love it. I eventually crawled up onto the bed, watching them rip each other's clothes off before breaking into peals of laughter. Takara started to shush me, I tossed a pillow at her head, she roared, bounced up on me...with her foot knocking out Ojike in the process.
.......
Yup, teenage porn. By that time, we were both so far gone on E, things moved along at light speed. Naked in moments, we were simply devouring each other. At this point, I was becoming really...how you say...intense? Such things like...
" Want me, take me, need me... "
Responded to with...
" Oh God yes, with pleasure, endlessly... "
Latching on to ourselves again, sex was the next...and last step. But before that could happen, one final question materialized in my head. And things would never be the same.
"Love me..."
To which, to my utter obliviation, she replied,
"Forever..."
And the crack in my heart shattered into a gaping hole. The one thing, the one thing I promised to never happen, simply happened.
Takara had fallen in love with me.
Strike three, you're out, Shirou. Stopped it right there, told her to go to bed with her boyfriend and left. For the next 27 hours, I would find myself awake, thanks to endless supplies of coffee and soda, beating myself up, mentally and sometimes physically, for letting the cardinal sin come to light. The consequences were beyond even my grasping, how utterly complex they would be.
Eventually, I realized I needed to try to get away from my problems, finding myself for the second night in a row at Club Oblivion. Things started out perfectly, good time was had, fun with random people, throw in a little pole dancing and you're set. My Chosen Radar goes off, I look down, bam, Takara and Masako. I jump off the balcony, bam, Ojike.
Now the two of us go at it, real hot and heavy on the dance floor. Trying to out-do Takara and Masako. I pulled out the pull-up move once again, and the boy simply bounced up and against me, matching thrust for thrust. Eventually, the teasing ended with his clothed erection in my face. It was then that I noticed his eyes were glassy...frosted...iced over.
Ojike had fallen pray to the pill poppers.
Takara had gotten Masako home, I managed to get an insane, lunatical, maniacal Ojike home in one piece, as the sexy child drove me insane, lunatical and maniacal. He eventually deposited himself in Takara's bedroom, as my soulmate poured her stomach out into the toliet bowl. Shirou once again became the caretaker.
After letting loose, she came over and tried to soothe the savage beast, as I got all frustrated, laying down and simply staring at the bloody idiot. Ojike on E? Bloody, bloody idiot.
One of her caresses let him come out with the words...
" It's not the touches I crave, it's you... "
To of which I retorted quite bluntly...
" And we both crave you. So what's going to be done about it, Ojike? "
I, of course, became the bloody idiot, because it must have been too much for his doped up mind to handle. Utilizing a burst of speed, he flew down the stairs and ran out of the apartment. I was up seconds later, chasing after him, my body so weak and so utterly exhausted. But I had the better concentration, catching up within a minute. To tackle him on the cement would have been immensly painful, so instead, I went with the direct approach.
I grabbed his left arm.
I swung him around.
And I greeted his face with my left hook.
I hit Motomiya Ojike.
And I hit him good, as he spiraled to the floor, sputtering my name. I can barely remember anything from that moment, except that my mouth went dry, my body went rigid and I started to babble incoherently. I remember him trying to hit me...but stopping at the last moment. Time was in it's own place, out of my memory. He mentioned something about not leaving, before rushing back up to Takara. I slowly followed, staring at my left hand all the time. Left hand. Sinistra.
With the three of us back in her room, his final gesture for the night was a kiss and an admonition of love for his girlfriend, before leaving. I collapsed on the bed, utterly sick and tired of all the drama and angst surrounding what was supposed to be a simple friendship. Worse upon everything else, was the fact that Takara soon attempted to "soothe the savage beast," and ended up with some harsh, blunt, but truthful --as always-- remarks about love. She countered with her own remarks, and neither of us were feeling better after that. With no energy left for either of us, we just simply collapsed into an uneasy sleep.
5 hours later, I now write this. And I know what I must do. Tonight will be the end game. With the event planned out for this evening, known for quite sometime, I was going to do it anyway. But now, as always, things turn out to have a special meaning and a special place. Staring out at the inky twilight and then switching my glance to the seven deadly pills in my hand, I know this is the last resort, the final fight, the finale. Win or lose, right or wrong, light or dark, things finish tonight.
Nothing left to do. Preparations done, calls made, favors pulled in.
I'm left...
Waiting for tonight......
Wings have no need of Angels, Clouds, Saints or Demons. All they have to do, is let the spirit soar and the soul shine...
-Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
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Tuesday, April 29th, 2036
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It's funny.
I've been crying for about the past twelve hours.
Do you want to know why?
Because the crack in my heart has mended.
Ironic, isn't it?
But first, a little recap:
Since last update, Ikari has tried to kill himself, over Mizuki --what else?-- I, of course, have been ready for this for aeons now. The moment it did happen, rushed him over to the hospital. Mom and Roberto were waiting, they performed the tested digital augmenting restorative process and there you have it. I won't bother to go into the petty details of how everyone was at each's other's throats and the rest. It's like that almost everyday; like any other "family."
Next few days consist of testing limits with Takara. After the bathroom incident, I decided to absolve myself of my boredom. And I trust my cousin, probably more then I trust myself.
So we spent approxiamately 3 hours in the shower, simply washing ourselves. Completely and thoroughly. Mountain Rain. Fragrance divine. Words fail in describing the experience. So I'll say that we ended up cuddling on her bed and that's that.
We woke up in the middle of the night, as did our friends. Seems everyone's sleep schedule was all messed up. Down the stairs in twin sheets, we chatted and conversed until they were all gone.
Leaving me and Takara.
All alone.
On the couch.
Of course we kissed, what are you, stupid?
She was in absolute control this time, I let her have anything she wanted. She was the active, I was the passive, she was the man, I was the woman, she was the fire, I was the rain. Whichever way you want to classify it, it felt so damn good not to be in control, to shift responsibility. She literally made my squirm and beg, it was that enticing. My mind was spinning, my body was shaking. Something I will not forget for the longest time.
The following morning, brought grief from the makeout session, which Takara subconsciously attempted to alleviate for me by dragging me, Ojike, Gojyo and Seishi to the mall. All in all, it was a decent afternoon, but I was far too emotionally absorbed to enjoy it. Left them all in the food court, went off to literally get the moroseness beaten out of me. Sensei assisted with that; after one hour, I was completely sore all over, with a few good bruises and scratches. And again, it felt so good.
Returning to the Ikari home, I was informed that Ojike's Guardian had appeared during my absence. I thanked everyone profusely and asked for forgiveness for my absence, I'm weird like that.
Finished a paper or two, did some reading and the next day passed. Eventually, Ayumi had the grand idea to go to an infamous hot springs in Tokyo. Piling into the large SUV, the basically uneventful ride was characterized by my self-absorption once again. I wouldn't bother the rest of them, no, not with this.
Eventually, we all piled in. Boys and girls, separated in the pools of sulfur-heated water. Before hand, Ayumi had informed me that my April Fool's gag on Ikari, --the Black Market Enhanced Viagra In A Teabag Gag- had unwittingly found it's way to Ayumi.
So it was only fair, after some well spent relaxation in the springs, that I get my own dose of it. What was a little uncomfortable, was that both Ayumi and Kaworu were in on it, slipping the drug into my tea and Ojike's.
So when we started to drink side-by-side, things heated up, literally. It is such a rush, I absolutely love it. If you can block out how painful your erection is, you're swimming in the enhanced sensations. Even the touch of a breeze is nearly enough to send you over the edge. So needless to say, the two of us ended up grasping onto each other for dear life. I was chuckling away, telling him it would only last ten minutes. Of course, that wouldn't have been enough for the boy, who decided to give my mouth a cleaning it would never forget. If Takara was terrestial fire, then Ojike is celestial fire, which makes sense, in the grand scheme of things, i.e. alter ego.
Pulling back, the boy agreed to my suggestion of separation. Ten minutes came and gone, I did a little gymnastics on a conifer and ended up back in the boy's room. Eventually, some rough housing commenced and I ended up being tied to the bed, courtesy of Ojike, who then promptly fell asleep on me. How utterly kind of him. But yet again, to lose all control, is a divine feeling, even with the boy on top of me.
Following day brought us to an aquarium, after a small talk with Takara, of which we met Ayumi and Masako. Ayumi had the pleasure of bringing her little cousin, Sakura along. The parental side of me blossomed that afternoon, as I took the child all over, describing the various aquatic environments and inhabitants. She was impressed. So was I. Never knew I could remember all that. And it seems Sakura-chan had bought Ayumi this wonderful green coral bracelet. When in Rome, right?
Evening was spent having lobster, for the enculturation of S-chan. She liked it, made a mess of herself, but she liked it. Ojike finally caught up with us and we went back for our last night in the spring's lodgings. Again, we were having quite the ball with Ojike. The boy seemed happy to engage us, on any level. And yet, again, the night ended without any major events.
And the last day I really saw any of them, was when I came back from a tennis game in the park. I downed the entire pitcher of lemonade, giving me a sugar rush that I had to work off. Down to the pool I went, doing laps like crazy. Takara stopped by, watching me for a bit. After about 30 minutes of intense and insane excercise, I collapsed on my poolside chair. Setsuna dropped by; the girl was nice enough to get me a strawberry daquiri. Alcohol loosening up my cramping muscles, I limped my way upstairs and into my bed.
Few hours later, woke up, still sore. Went to Kaworu for his "magic hands," was interrupted by Ayumi. No biggie. Down the stairs I went and found Setsuna. Earlier that week, we had commenced in conversation once again. After a constructive diatribe, we reaffirmed our friendship and once again, do I hold responsibility over Rido. It's a joint thing now, I see the error of my ways by leaving it to her.
She did quite well with the massage, actually, putty in her hands works quite well in this situation. After the throughly refreshing event, I chatted a bit with Ayumi, who seemed extra moody. I attempted to smooth things over, with success, and there you have it. And oh yes, she received a matching yellow coral bracelet, now one for each arm. And I got coral bookends from Sakura-chan. Girl is too kind.
And there you have it, the recap of the events. Now for the heavy stuff:
-Takara and Ojike are a couple. What I wanted has finally come true. I could not be happier and more miserable then I could at this moment. It's funny really, this duality concept. Twin sides to everything. If you want to take it that far, think of my right eye crying tears of joy and my left eye crying tears of sadness. With the two of them locked in the beginnings of love, the crack in my heart is mended, because neither of them can now fall in love with me. And yet, my friendship with them is drastically altered. No longer the kisses, no longer the embraces, no longer of anything. Of course I will be there for them, and if it comes to it, I demand to be invited to the wedding. But love, like everything else, is fickle and uncertain. So all I can do, is pray for the best. You can't hear my, my cousin and my alter-ego, but thank you, both of you, from the bottom of my soul. You both have saved me from future circumstances that would have been the death of me.
-"Rido is once again my responsibility." Treating the child like an object? No. It is obvious that Rido has conflicting personalities, more Digital then anything else. And it is impossible for a "mere" human girl to handle it by herself. Rido is a handful, but Setsuna has latched on to him and refuses to let go. In hate, she finds love. And the dualities become one once again. And so, I am now her support, as she was mine on that couch. I am still not friends with him, it's impossible to be such. We have no common ground, no basis for communication, nothing to build a foundation on. What is lost, is lost. But I will do everything in my power to make sure that one of the Chosen does not become one of the harbringers of the Apocolypse.
And so, there you have it. All these days of outward happiness, with a tinge of mellow. Now, time for the other way around. Calm. Cool. Collective. Cynical. Centered.
The Digital World awaits us. And I await it.
As they say in Latin,
Aliis, non sibi.
For others, not oneself.
Wings have no need of Angels, Clouds, Saints or Demons. All they have to do, is let the spirit soar and the soul shine...
-Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
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Typing with one hand. And yet, I bet you this isn't going to be a short entry. Too many things always happen. And I keep saying, come what may. And it keeps coming.
As usual, the day started out wonderfully. I closed myself off in my room, letting the hot air in through the window. Naked under my delightfully cool satin sheet, I was finishing up two papers do for school, s'well as looking over some of my mother's Digital Buffers notes. Deciding on taking a break, I wrapped the sheet around me and started the trip to the kitchen.
Met Takara on the stairs along the way. Of course I wouldn't push away the chance to get in a few words with her. She was still in the same clubbing clothes that I last saw her in, believe it or not. When I made that statement, she went after the fact that I was still wrapped up in a sheet. Har har.
I said something funny --I can't for the life of me remember what it was-- and ended up a few stairs down on the floor. And it started:
Ojike nudged me with his foot.
I pulled the boy down, pinning and tickling him.
He caught me off guard and did the same thing.
Takara had to be a smart ass and told us to...
"Get a room."
Ojike launched at her, reinstating the tickling.
I of course, went even further. Fixing my sheet, I grabbed my cousin, tossing her over my shoulder and began my walk to my room. She had a lovely view of my ass and spanked it once or twice actually. Bad Takara.
And just as I was going to open the door...--would I have done it?-- Ojike flings ME over HIS shoulder. I got a lovely view as well, and my own resounding SMACK. Enough to get the two of us sprawled on the bathroom floor.
Few moments later, Takara tried to run off with my sheet. Leaving me naked. I ran after her, grabbed her, almost threw her into the bathroom. Locked the door, barred her and Ojike in the bathroom with my nude body and told them no one's leaving until a threesome happens.
Aren't I so fun to be with?
Slowly, things were breaking down. Ojike actually got behind the curtain, obviously hiding something. Let's not go there, shall we? And I saw the smallest hint of a smirk on Takara's face. Next thing I know, I was trampled by Ojike, as he blew through me and the door.
I wake up on the bathroom floor, shake my head and just begin to shower. Singing some basic melodies and such. Greeted with Ojike, who left in a flash, Ayumi, who stopped by and said hi and Takara.
She stayed, watching me shower. And there was no door and no curtain, so ya. Think about it. When she asked why I was taking such a long time in the shower, my devilish response was,
" Waiting for you to get in with me. "
She like blushed ruby-red. And I chuckled. As I stated, I refuse to corrupt my cousin. Absolutely refuse. Finishing up, wrap a towel around, I place a kiss on her forehead and admonish her for her abilty to resist such temptation. There are worse people then me out there.
As I began to walk down the stairs, she literally flings herself with a hug at my back and a kiss on my neck. For the first --and most certainly not the last-- time that day, I completely froze in my tracks. She looked so vunerable, I thought I had do something wrong. We exchanged simple words, I futilely apologized for something I obviously didn't do and she went up to her room.
Of course, I wouldn't leave it at that. Back up those stairs, sitting in front of her door, trying to finally remember some of the lyrics to that song she belted out with Masako. I got a few of them and out she comes, hugging me once again. Things get tense...and then...
It started to beat under the crack.
That's right. And it was excruciatingly painful. Just sitting there in Takara's arms...feeling it trying to bust out of the small crack. Mind-boggling. And I could hear it beating in my head, torturing me.
Needless to say, I went balistic. Shouting out something along the lines of " MAKE IT STOP! " I tore out of her grasp, ran right into the bathtub and curled up. I was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane and the damned pounding wouldn't go away for nothing. Such a small piece of my mind was trying to tell me to go back and make sure Takara was ok, but I couldn't. Couldn't move. Couldn't do anything.
Even went as far as hitting my own chest, trying to stop the beating of the disgusting organ. As minutes progressed, I managed to get to the mirror. And in my mind's eye, could I see the bitch that did this to me, mocking me, laughing. And at that moment, I personally stopped the beating. Took my left fist, ramned it right into the glass mirror, shattering it. And it all stopped.
Of course, at this point, my alter ego comes in, starts ranting about how bad this was and started to help with the glass. My pure, untainted Ojike. You're so special. Eventually, I made it downstairs and the boy hugs me from behind, much like Takara did. And I froze again. Simple words given...and then...the killer...
Ojike scared the living shit out of me. He told me that after the kiss --the one that was supposed to be white-- he was sure it was possible for us to fall in love, if allowed. And I went completely into shock. Worse shaking then with Takara.
Where did I go wrong?
Ojike was supposed to be the savior, the one that assists with the mending of my heart. He could not, would not, will not --I won't allow it-- fall in love with me. I was left on the couch, still trembling, probably close to seizures. After a moment's pause, I chased after him down the stairs and probably did the most stupid thing in the world.
Extracted another promise.
Aren't I a sucker for punishment? I think so. And so, things will stay the same with us. Love will not destroy the flame of friendship. Went back in for a cup of coffee, Ayumi stops by again.
Now she's an interesting one alright. She seems very intent on trying to make me happy, as if I was killing myself. Granted, my actions may not be the best for my health, but I do only what I can do. Over coffee and cookies, we talked and talked. Eventually, after her prodding, I literally and bluntly poured out my "problems."
Immeadiately, she started giving me normal answers and normal solutions and a diatribe on how everyone should be happy. And it was all so endearing, because she has had problems in the past before. And most likely, it looks as if she's stable. Very good then.
She leaves, with a statement of adoration of me. Which I can handle, but of course, I stay on guard. Ikari comes in for a brief moment to say hi. Good to see that he's recovering nicely.
And to the end the night, it was spent with my second half. Ojike comes back in and sips some coffee with me. I was a little a nervous around him, with the whole earlier declaration. He made the funny comment that if he broke the promise, I could smash his guitar over his head. I whole-heartedly agreed.
We ended up on the floor, back to back.
Slowly and softly singing again.
Him first, then I put out another oldies I remembered. A Thousand Miles, by Vanessa Carlton. Goes something alone the lines of...
Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces passed
And I'm home bound
Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making my way
Through the crowd
And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder....
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight
It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever
Think of me
'Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong
Living in your
Precious memories
'Cause I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder....
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight
And I, I
Don't want to let you know
I, I
Drown in your memory
I, I
Don't want to let this go
I, I
Don't....
Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces passed
And I'm home bound
Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making my way
Through the crowd
And I still need you
And I still miss you
And now I wonder....
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass us by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you...
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
If I could
Just hold you
Tonight
And to my absolute pleasure, Ojike sang along. He actually knew the song. Eventually, I ended up in the arms of my untainted alter-ego, as we discussed future plans for the future. And seated in the delicious silence, the child fell asleep.
With utmost care --and with a messed up left hand-- I hoisted him and his guitar into his room. Took a while, but Ojike was safely tucked into his bed. I simply stared at him, crying, letting the tears come. All I could think that that could have been me.
And Bianca Shirou completely took over. Instantly, I surged with the need to protect this pure form of me. Parental, fraternal, friendshipial. All three ways. It was all that mattered.
I limped to my room and fell promptly asleep. And here I am now, watching another sunrise. It's a beautiful time to put in a journal entry. And I told you it would be a long one. I swear this to you now, journal, to you and God. Takara deserves something more then a crack, as does Ojike. And so, they will have it.
In each other.
Wings have no need of Angels, Clouds, Saints or Demons. All they have to do, is let the spirit soar and the soul shine...
--Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
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Thursday, April 17th, 2036
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Interestingly enough, within the symbol on my wall, there are two distinctions.
The first is the dot of white in the semi-circle of black and the dot of black in the semi-circle of white.
The second, is all up to visuality. Give a long enough stare and/or quick flickering, to the border between black and white and you find yourself being besieged with shades of gray.
And so, there's life for you. Black and white with shades of gray. But who doesn't know that?
My date with Ojike went extremely well. Fanciful Italian dinner at a personal favorite bistro of mine. I do believe Ayumi was dining with her parents there as well; we really felt we shouldn't interrupt. I ordered the fish, he got ziti. With a bottle of white wine between us, I gave to him once again, the diatribe on Kaia. And this time, not a single tear was shed.
Sorry, Kaia, but I do believe now, with the black coral bracelet on my arm, that death has truly done us part.
He of course, was highly sympathetic. But I think I shocked him when I told him she still haunted me. Like, literally haunted me. Oh well, it was good for a laugh, no?
I had plans to take him salsa dancing --had on this glorious crimson shirt and everything-- but we ended up back at Club Oblivion. To our utter surprise and pleasure, Masako and Takara were in the process of a duet. What really shocked me, was the languid and intense embrace Ojike undertook me in. The child truly is my alter ego.
After another pleasent shock of the traditional dance motions with him, Takara had to run off to be home in time for school. Ojike decided to pull off his own solo. All three of them were glorious in their singing and twas a divine pleasure to listen to them. I caught up with Masako at the bar, of where I ordered a bottle of water, just like her.
There was something different about her. I knew it right from the start. The white spot in the sea of black in me at the time was telling me something was amiss. So I did my best to deal with it. The best way I knew how.
With feeling.
Taking her to the dance floor, we started off with a spin for her and a spin for me, the girl seeming to be catching on quick to the Latino Pop beat. I do believe the song was one of the last one's Jennifer Lopez ever put out. Her 5th and final album, made in 2017 I believe. The title was Free My Soul.
Things got hot and heavy. I clinked on my white bracelet to become "whole," as I pulled off a few raver-esque moves. She divulged herself of my grip and somehow ended on my shoulders. I went forward with the risky move of pulling her down and literally bouncing her on my pelvis.
That's right, you heard me. No, I did not get hard, I was too caught up in the moment. And Masako looked like she was enjoying it. At least I thought so. Her face was so blank, so awfully inward and withdrawn. But I would not give up. As she counter-bounced, I went all out.
Wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist, I dropped to the floor, pushup style, and began to thrust upward and forward. Combining dance with excercise moves, who would have thunk it. By then, half the club was staring at us and even I was shocked at my brazen attitude. This is normal sweet Masako, what have I done? But some gut feeling told me that I had to keep going, as if sheer sensation alone could bring her back from whatever was holding her.
She went right along with me and for the moment, it looked as if I was succeeding. I was more white then black, at the moment, which was a twist for me, really.
Allow me to point out to you, that Rido had appeared. Yes, I do believe he didn't know I knew. But I saw him. Out of the corner of my eye. I have the obvious assumption that the boy believes that I hate him. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I harbor no ill-will towards him. The only reason that we are not friends is because whenever we are together, absolute chaos breaks out. And I will not be a party to that abomination of a friendship.
Case closed.
Rido and Ojike were slowly dancing by themselves, nothing special or major. I'm glad they're getting along, everyone deserves friends. Eventually, Rido stopped before things got too hot and heavy and went out. Ojike followed, but as soon as I was about to pull off the omega move, he came back in and stopped us.
Now I was all about to literally freak out --only a little-- until the boy did something I didn't expect at all.
He kissed me.
Yes, amazing, isn't it? Shirou has done it again. Hah, not this time. Allow me to break up my kisses for you.
White Bracelet Kiss - Making sure no love is present between me and the other person.
Black Bracelet Kiss - Kissing for the sheer sensation and pleasure we can give each other.
Simple enough to follow, no?
So, to me, the kiss was white. And it was great, because I personally, could not feel an iota of love. Which makes my friendship with my Kaia-Tragedy-untainted alter-ego even stronger.
He went back out and I was extremely happy at the results. You have no idea how good I felt, knowing I wouldn't need to shoot someone down again and cause us both endless suffering. But somewhere in between my revelry, Masako had managed to leave the club without me. I literally became frantic, running outside to look for her and yet I couldn't find her. All I could do was pray she got home safe.
And so, here I am again, in my room, watching the sun rise. Takara had just left for school and I'm munching on some apple slices and lemonade. One gain for the evening and apparently, one draw. It wasn't really a loss and it wasn't really a win. But rest assured, I intend to get the smiling, cheery Masako back. The girl is very fragile and I even doubt myself. I do believe I will let the others try first, if this becomes a semi-permenant state for her.
Funny really, as the solar rays refract off the ashen and obsidian bands on my nightstand. And with Ophuichus beside them, regardless of it's entrancing sky-blue hue, it has become the shade of gray in my life.
As they say in Italian...
Bianca, Nero e Argento...
Wings have no need of Angels, Clouds, Saints or Demons. All they have to do, is let the spirit soar and the soul shine.
--Takaishi Shirou
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(1 Assist | Restore Hope?)
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Wednesday, April 16th, 2036
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I'm laughing.
Laughing so very hard.
It's hillarious really, it really is.
Of course, first comes the important things.
Ikari attempted suicide today. After slicing himself, he drove the sword into his stomach. I'm sure the others would blame me for adding fuel to the fire. I had come upstairs to try and stop him, and in my diplomacy, used the Mizuki card to try and cease the action. It ceased alright.
No matter really, I was prepared for this event for years to come. Years. In my black satin robe, did I kindly ask Setsuna to inform the hospital, Rido to dislodge the sword from Ikari and I called my mother and Dr. Ancelli. Angemon, as informed by Kasaya, flew over and we airlifted Ikari to the hospital.
Into the ER room, with everything set up. Mom was all ready with her equipment. It was a very simple process. Ikari is a hybrid, half organic and half digital. And so, the two are linked, much like any other polarization, ne?
Told you there were two sides to everything.
So, as linked, hurt one, hurt the other, heal one, heal the other. So it was a simple matter to run a digital restoration program through Ikari...and there you have it. Of course, during the process, did the other Digital Chosen have to decided to go at each other. I frankly couldn't care for any of them at the moment, Takara excluded, as she fell asleep in the chair. Ikari's life was in danger and they bicker about the causes and effects? But you see, there's a difference here. I asked the question, I don't judge.
If they found it necessary, so be it. But I would be damned if it caused more damage to my Wingless Angel. And so, it was simply blissful ignorance. Ikari recovered, without a word of thanks to me, Mom, Roberto and Angemon, --what else is new?-- and started to lambast his sister. --again, what else is new?-- I wouldn't touch that with a fifty foot pole, besides, I was wearing black.
Until my crafty little Digimon decided to inform me he was aware of my rebirth and handed me a white labcoat. With a chuckle, I put it on, taking off the black robe. There was no difference, other then the difference I wanted there to be. --Get it yet?--
And so, as they talked, I was in the mirror, switching clothing, mixing and matching. It was hillarious, to see my own reactions. Sable robe placed a smirk on my face; I couldn't help myself. Ashen lab coat put a warm smile on my face; couldn't help myself again. And so, I laughed. And it felt good.
Eventually, the two were placed on together, more symbolic --what isn't symbolic?-- then anything else. Angemon took Takara home, I managed to have Ikari and Mizuki airlifted home, leaving the other's to their own devices. I might have relegated the responsibility of Rido to Setsuna, but Ikari and Mizuki remain mine.
Now and forever.
Ikari was placed into a guest room, as the cleaning bots fixed his room, Mizuki into his own. And so after taking care of both my treasured childhood friends, after that selfless act, I tossed off the white lab coat, donned the black alone once again and sat on the couch and waited.
Waited for who?
Waited for Ojike.
The newest of the chosen highly interests me. For various reasons, really. First, he and I have much in common; embrace of life, we can be serious and childish at the flip of a button and his ability to let loose is quite high. I find him a kindred spirit within the group.
But you see, there is another reason that he sparks my engrossment. One that will not be said even here, for even the mention of it might upset the course of things. Life is all chance and temporization, decisions made in split-second moments. And so, I leave this reason to silence and to the wind.
Ojike came and I asked him to sit next to me and talk for a moment. He did and we talked, to be perfectly blunt. Of course, as the endearing child he is, the kicker of the conversation was something along the lines of
" You sure you can live on lust alone? It's like just living on bread, finding and embracing love adds whole new flavors to life. "
That's my boy, impressive as he should be. If he only knew, though, about the everpresent past. Of course he didn't, and so, I told him he didn't. His response?
" I want to know. "
And so, I will most assuredly tell him. And with the smirk on my face and the sable satin robe on my skin, I propositioned a " date " for tonight. And he readily accepted. Well then, it seems that everything worked out quite well. Little quandary of asking him to be prepared for dinner and dancing and I was off to bed. Now as the sun shines and the temp is already at 70 degrees, I plan on doing on one very important thing.
As much as the colors symbolize my soul, black and white become very trite as constant clothing. And so, the solution came to me instantly. Today's first errand will be the jewelry store, of where I will purchase two seperate bracelets, one black coral bracelet and --can you guess what the other color is?-- one white coral bracelet. Coral is a beautiful material, with an impressive sheen and really can't fade like silver or gold.
And so, as the new day has come, I feel better then ever. The useless words of Rido about my neglect of my Wingless Angel are nothing but sheer jest in my mind. Sometimes, people really have no idea. But it's ok, to each their own. Everyone deserves peace of mind.
And for the moment, I have it.
Time to see if Ojike can assist in mending the crack in my heart...
Wings have no need of Angels, Clouds, Saints or Demons. All they have to do, is let the spirit soar and the soul shine.
--Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
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Tuesday, April 15th, 2036
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Too much. Just way too much. I wonder how I should place things in order. Daily? Importance? Random?
I really don't know. I'm on a natural high and I never want to get off. I might as well do a temporal alignment then, to stay with tradition.
The last entry left off with me spending the night with Masako. The following morning, I went to my mother's lab to assist her with her implementation of the Digital Buffers. It seemed she was working with a full blown flu. When I questioned her on this miraculous event, she informed me of her highly resistant immune system, as well as that of my grandfather. Seeing how their genes are the dominant ones in my body, as opposed to my grandmother and father, I seem to carry the same abilty to hold my own against the viral intruders.
So by that evening, I seemed to have been infected with both my mother's flu and Masako's cold! Now normally, this should put a person in bed for at least a week. But me? No, I learned something very important in biology. As long as your temperature remains at 103 degrees Fahrenheit, the normal symptoms, including coughing, runny nose, major dizziness and nausea...don't happen. All you are left with is a high temperature, a comfortable pounding in your head and sensations that cannot be described. And so, for that night, and for the next two nights, that was how I lived.
The first night brought me to being introduced to Kaworu's cousin, Motomiya Ojike. Seems the last of the Chosen has been found. All fourteen Zodiacs have been filled. The kid was pleasent, a "hottie" and an all-around good person. So that night, in my deliciously delirious state, we went out to eat.
Yes, if your vindictive and closed mind wished to call it a date, be my guest. Went down to the classy Chinese buffet place. Ate like kings, really. Found out his mother is Motomiya Jun. Father told me a little about her...she's a real nutcase. But who am I to judge people?
After the hot food, my temp skyrocketed to 104, which is not good, brain damage begins if it keeps going up. So a bit of green tea ice cream fixed that. Next stop, hat place. I got myself a fancy sky blue visor, he got this nice cap before getting beeped by his mother and running out. I'm still all in 103 temp land, walk outside and find Kaworu on the floor. Yes, it's Chosen Victim #2. Oh well, the past is the past, ne?
Arm in arm, with the lights of Odaiba flashing brilliantly, we took the long way back to Ikari's pad. Seems that Kaworu doesn't harbor any ill-will towards me. I'm pleased by this. But if he thinks I'm going to be all pre-Rido and Gojyo tragedy with him, he's very mistaken. Three strikes and I'm out. I know that somehow, anything we do, will end up in his falling in love with me. And that we just cannot have, now can we?
Eventually, we ended up cuddling to sleep on the couch. I was practically radiating heat by that moment and so, like a moth to a flame, the smaller boy fell into my arms and we dozed off. It was one of the most content moments of the past few weeks.
Next day was a little more...interesting. The beginning was used to finish the yin-yang artwork in my room. It now hangs over my bed. The evening came once again and once again, I went out with the newest of the Chosen. Ojike and me scrambled down to the water park to enjoy ourselves in the heat. I was still content at my 103 level and the park would be the perfect thing to keep me there in the immense heat that was being pushed apon us by a high pressure system that evening.
I should point out that my Wingless Angel has been going literally insane without his Cloud. As in attempted suicide. Now, hear this. And hear it well.
I always have and always do and always will do, everything in my power to assist my Wingless Angel.
But if my power cannot be used at a moment in time, if it lies used, depleted, in need of recharging, there is no force on this planet, that will judge me on my actions.
None.
I was quite aware of Ikari mauling himself in his room and in the training room. Very much quite aware of it. In my current delirious state, of which I was highly enjoying, I made the choice, and the choice is mine and no one else's to leave him to his own devices.
So when Rido, in his maddened and unstable state, comes barging in on me and Ojike, Pepper Breathing my position in the wave pool...he really pissed Ojike off. Him and a Kaworu that managed to pop up out of nowhere. Obviously, you don't try and take on an insane Rido, so I pulled the child away from the other two and we talked.
Sadly, his unstablity had reached his mental facilities as well. All that I have stated above...went in one ear and out the next.
What Rido failed to realize, is the fact that Ikari will never, ever kill himself. And that is because, by doing that, he will hurt Mizuki more then he could ever bare. The irony? He would die before he caused Mizuki pain.
So all of the following, Rido did in absolute vain. When I blew the child off, because of his absolute arrogance, he went postal. Absolutely postal. As me, Ojike and Kaworu waited for the bus, Rido had the audacity to set the upcoming bus on fire with one of his illustrious Digital Moves.
Let's just say this didn't sit well with the O-chan and K-chan. After both of them attempted futilely to attack him for retribution, the next best thing was to get the survivors out of the bus. Sadly, there were casualites. And it was absolutely horrid. Ojike was hurt really bad, psychologically by the whole thing. And Kaworu was obviously traumatized. I am quite used to Rido's inability to control himself. So once again, as the police decided to take action, it was I, Shirou, the Diplomat, the Peacemaker, the Negotiator, that took action. The deal was struck. If I went and " saved, " my Wingless Angel, he would see about changing into Arkmon and usinging the fabled temporal action to restore the damage he caused. And to end the night, I stated our friendship was null and void. I would have no part of Rido. All that happens when we meet, is mindless chaos. I will not be held responsible for that.
With that done, I managed to get Kaworu and Ojike home. And low and behold, I found my Wingless Angel on the floor of the living room, bloodied, torn, damaged and utterly defenseless. And as Rido commanded, I assist in revitalizing my fallen comrade. Funny thing? Of course, there always is.
I admit to you Ikari is probably the last person I will ever love in my life. During one of the few tidbits of the diatribe, I metioned that if my Wingless Angel loses his Cloud, his Wings could help him back up and find another.
His response?
" Shirou, this Wingless Angel will be dead without his Cloud. He will never want another Cloud. Even if he fell, he would keep aiming for the same cloud...without his Wings, if necessary. "
Well then, Rido, kudos to you, my emotional genius. And so, I fall into the path of unrequitted love, not to mention unrequitted help. But do I blame the emotionally unstable boy? Both of them? No. Know why?
Because I don't judge people.
I am the legislature branch of this little group, not the judical, nor even the executive. I propose and try to pass the laws for the people. Not enforce or even sign them into being.
He went off to take a shower, afterwards, most likely alone because he would have taken extreme advantage of me at that moment. Either way, I would have thought no less of my Wingless Angel. Most likely never will.
I love you, Ikari.
And so, I crashed in Kaworu's room once again, as we talked a bit about things, including the status of our camaraderie. Again, I insisted that it stated absolutely at the level it is. Good friends; nothing more.
By the next morning, my temp was safely at the 100 level and the viruses were both dying. Go Mom and Grandpa! The morning was used up with katas, schoolwork and random errands. As night fell once again, Ojike --again with him, he's really hyper, like his mother-- suggested Club Oblivion for a night of karaoke and dancing.
Who could say no to that? Not, I, that's for sure.
As I look at it now, my choice of clothing that night was...quite interesting. Sheer white tanktop, gloriously white windbrakers, yes, white boxers if you must know, white socks and white sneakers.
What can I say, I was all white. I decided to add a little platinum blonde in my hair, streaked it in, --the 24 hour kind, the only way to go -- toss on my Ophuichus charm and there you have it. The thought that night was that the ultraviolet lights would do wonders on my all-white attire. It was going to be me, Ojike, Takara and Masako, but Masako had another aftershock of her cold and decided to stay behind and rest up.
Quick knock on Rido's apartment. Asked both of them to come with us. Rido declined, Setsuna decided to join us. And so, with Taichi's Corvette still in my possession, it was a quick --and I do mean quick-- ride to Club Oblivion. Fitting name. I'll tell you why later. The jump into the parking lot was made a la Grand Theft Auto 8, quite spectacular if I say so myself.
And in we went. Very much like Club Ecstasy. Same glorious strobe lighting, same pumping music, same divine underage drinking bar! Kick. Fucking. Ass.
Kaworu and Ojike went off to shake each their respective fine asses, while Takara and Setsuna did their thang as well. I took a quick double shot of Bacardi Lemon and a bottle of water to wash it down. Next stop, was the DJ, who went by the name of IcEy. After pondering what song me and my divine cousin would sing, he suggested something out of the blue.
And no song could have been more perfect.
It's from the 1990's, a good forty years before our time. The artists are still alive, actually, hanging in there, with each of them having children in the music business as well. The duo that we were going to mimic were Whitney Houston and Enrique Iglesias. The song was...
Could I Have This Kiss Forever.
Just...wow. After the solitary kiss we shared when she lowered my defenses that one time ago, I could never forget the sheer joy in partaking of her lips. Because she is family. Because she is a friend.
Because she is Takara.
And so, until our turn came up, I watched the crowd. Ojike was lost within it, I would later find the poor child had gotten wasted. Kaworu was hitting that shiet, so to speak, on the dance floor. And Setsuna and Takara were going at it, raver style. I swear, the sultry actions of those two completely put me over the wall. Seriously, they were all over each other. I do believe Setsuna ended the "match" with this wicked cool twining move. Kudos to her.
And I was rewarded with a highly flustered Takara. And so, I took her hand, walked up those spiral steps, my heart pounding and my body heat rising. As we stood on top of the platform, with all those dancing faces looking up at us, I felt so utterly...
Alive.
DJ IcEy introduced us both, the words came up on the screen and...we sang.
I lost my beautiful soprano voice with the onset of puberty. Now all I have is this semi-decent tenor tone. But Takara really does have quite the melodic vocals. She is no Diva, but for the event, she was divine.
We let loose. Completely. We belted out those lyrics with every ounce of spirit in our soul. Through and through, we locked gazes, as the crowd went into a literal uproar all around us. I could have swore I saw Setsuna by the bar, hollering as well. It was enchanting, to be doing this with her. And the significance of the song, was highly apparent.
As the finale came to, I raised our interlocking hands and completely and utterly gave it my all. I'm positive she did the same, as the techno version of this highly acclaimed oldies song threated to break the glass in the club. With the final words uttered...we stared at each other. The people below us were roaring, simply roaring. And in that moment, everything else ceased to be. It was me, Takara and the song. And at that moment, I could think of only one thing to do. And so, I did it.
I kissed her.
My world exploded into sheer sensation. Utter and absolute ecstasy. I have never felt so completely disassociated from my body. As if we were on a completely different plane. I can't vouch for her, but I know, truly, madly, deeply...
She rocked my world.
Somewhere inbetween the pure bliss I was feeling, I could hear the roars of the crowd even higher. And I realized that I was tainting my precious cousin. And you know what I thought?
" And what?"
Good question, I don't have an answer for you. But I realize now that tainting Takara is not the cardinal sin I once thought it to be. Corrupting Takara, is the deadliest sin of them all. And I'm positive my sanity will keep me from going there.
As our lips parted, and we both flushed crimson, I still had my hold on her hand. We walked back down those spiral steps and the crowd greeted us as if we were a bride and groom at a wedding chapel. All they needed was rice. We had become instant hits. All I really wanted to do was continue to partake of the forbidden fruit that is Takara. So finding Kaworu and Ojike, we high-tailed it out of there.
Setsuna was waiting for us at the car. She opted to wait for Rido to come. We agreed, the four of us were exhausted. Short, uneventful drive back to Ikari's place. But Takara did continue holding my hand, not to mention brushing some hair away from my face. Quite kind of her to do so. Parking in the garage, putting Ojike in his bed, saying good night to the other two, I fell into a peaceful slumber.
The following morning brought immeadiate suffering. Only now, did I realize what the implications would be of such. And in all actually, my dear journal, the worst thing in the world happened. And sadly, my dear cousin Takara had dealt me an almost mortal blow.
She caused a crack in the armor of my heart.
You heard right. That useless organ that was impenetrable after Kaia's death, was struck open by Takara. By her actions, reactions and simply by everything she is and stands for.
The crack must be mended.
I cannot allow that miserable organ to come loose again. Never again. Takara doesn't deserve it, the pain and anguish it would cause. And I don't deserve it either. In fact, she has no chance of breaking it completely open. The only thing she could get would be the crack. And no one deserves just a crack.
Morning came and gone, with katas, coffee and lemonade to calm me down. I found Ojike in the hallway, looking as previously stated, positively wasted. I propped the boy up and brought him to the bathroom. He vomited to his heart's content. I left him to his devices to take a shower and went downstairs. Gojyo had almost burned Ikari's kitchen down; I prevented the fire with a few taps of the keys on the control panel on the kitchen. Takara came down the stairs, dressed for success, as usual and decided on some shopping at the mall as the event for the day.
Of course, who would give up spending more time with Takara? I should have, really, I was still highly weighed down with guilt and apprehension. But nonetheless, we all decided to go. Seishi and Gojyo were invited and we all piled into Ojike's car. Of course, the drive there was riddled with tension. Between basically everyone. Sadly, Seishi's mother was lost to a speedster, so he was kinda flipping out in the car. Interestingly enough, Sarina Paris' The Single Life just happened to play on 102.4, the Classic Pop Station. You already know that song is my mantra, but with Ojike singing along and Takara's giggling in the back, I simply and silently cried. Cried good and hard. When we finally got there, Sei and Go-chan headed out for the arcade, while me, Ojike and Takara went shopping for clothes. I really had no need for anything. Ojike picked up a few articles, Takara was literally coming down the runway for us. Not that it needs saying, but she looks fantastic in anything.
What really shocked me out of my brooding was the greeting of what had to be one of the teens that was clubbing with us that night at Club Oblivion. He recognized me and was like all...super uber-happy at getting his chance to congratulate me on our performance. I thanked him kindly and he left. Next up came what had to be a "rabid fangirl," for lack of a better term. More like a show to her five friends outside the store. Barraging me with questions, she ended her praise with a final glomp and a wave to Takara. After Ojike and Takara got in their quips of me becoming the next "Rido," we decided to head over to the food court.
It was at this moment I decided I couldn't stand being next to either of them at the moment. Takara was Takara and Ojike was being as free and selfless as I was.
And it was killing me.
So I left them to their own doings and decided to visit an old friend. Went back to Ikari's, grabbed my trident...and paid a visit to one of the old Chosen. My father's old friend, Hida Iori. He was the man that had taught me the katas I use every morning. And I thank him every chance I get. But when I came into his dojo that day, carrying my trident, he simply stood up, grabbed twin katanas of his own...and battled without a word.
Of course, I got my ass kicked. But the fight was wonderful. He didn't ask what was wrong, he didn't bother me. He simply let me work out the frustration I had. Every muscle in my body was on fire, I had lascerations all over my body. Cuts on my arms, on my legs, on my stomach. He really didn't hold back at all.
I would like to say that my visual training had really helped me. By constantly flickering my eyes from one place to the next, I could attempt to parry some of his well-placed slices. I did get him with one good slice to the lower abdomen, but I'm betting its only because the trident is Guardianial and far lighter then a normal one.
We bowed to each other and I simply walked home. Absolutely exhausted. It pained me to even walk. And everything hit me at once as I walked; Takara, Kaia, Rido, Gojyo, Ikari, Kaworu...all of them and everything about them. And as I sat on Ikari's couch, watching in horror as it all conglomerated in my mind...
I decided to end it.
Shirou? Suicide? No, my dear journal. Watch and learn.
Ojike came in, decisively telling me that his Guardian had showed up and was fought off by the others. This was almost enough to shake my..."rebirth," but I quickly apologized for my not being there. He suggested I join him at the lake with Kaworu. I agreed. And I went upstairs.
Now remember what I wore the day of the infamous duet with Takara?
All white.
And so, as I stripped down in my room, fingers running over the lacerations on my body, I simply picked out what I was going to wear.
Black short-sleeved satin shirt.
Black denim jeans.
Black cotton boxers.
Black ankle socks.
Black sneakers.
Get the picture yet?
I gave myself a final look over in the mirror and went downstairs, making sure to stop at Rido's apartment. I thanked both Setsuna and her boyfriend for their assisting in the battle, especially in my absence. We offered for them to come with us, Setsuna declined for reasons of exhaustion and Rido was apparently still bed-ridden from the battle.
So the three of us piled into Ojike's car once again and drove off to the lake. I was shotgun once again, left to my own thoughts. My absence from Ojike's Guardian battle had left me shaken and I was in personal limbo for most of the time in the car and on the lake. Kaworu's food was wonderful and Ojike suggested Club Oblivion once again. Takara declined and we promptly brought her home. Interestingly enough, in my limbatic state, I placed my head in Takara's lap.
And it hit me. Ikari and Mizuki do that all this time. And now, a different set of family does it. Funny, ain't it? Regardless, she seemed quite content with my head in her lap, playing and running her hands through my hair. As the car stopped, I decided on walking her up, still on the breaking point of limbo. -- Do you get it yet? --
Finally, as we reached Ikari's door, I kissed her forehead and wished her a good evening. Her reply? One word that would end up giving me the aformentioned crack in my heart.
Forever.
That was the final straw. As she closed to door, I simply leaned against it and broke down. Flood of tears, spilling down my face, as I could feel the armor around the damned organ weaken and finally given in, allowing for the smallest, but highly deadly, crack. The tears followed me all the way down the stairs and they followed me into the car, as I begged to be driven away from Takara and to the club as soon as possible, burying my head in my arms.
Of course, as the two good friends they are, Ojike and Kaworu were instantly concered, but as we arrived at the club, I quickly dried my tears and assured them that I was fine. And things were fine, because the moment I stepped into that palace of light and sound...
I was reborn.
Ojike raced for the mic, bouncing up the stairs and belting out one of his favorites, as I simply sipped from my water bottle, watching Kaworu hit the floor with great intrest. It was as if everything had simply vanished. Nothing else really mattered. Ojike came back down, we applauded, Kaworu went up, belted out one of his faves and we applauded.
And through all this, everything was changing for me. My mind was gloriously clear. The crack in my heart was lost. My soul was simply everywhere. And all I could do...
Was feel.
That's all that was left. Light, color, sound and emotion. Melding, intertwining, amalgamating. Until every breath I took, every move I made, was nothing but sheer sensation. Words fail me, utterly and completely.
We all hit the dance floor at the same time. Kaworu made a kawaii fool of himself by clinging onto Ojike's back. I was in my own world, surrounded by strangers and delving into their hidden world. The club was named to perfection. Once you go in, the only thing left for you, is ecstatic...
Oblivion.
So of course, with me completely freed and absolutely reborn, Ojike, the nice guy he was, just had to ask how I was doing. My reply?
I slinked my way over to the heated and sweaty teen, and simply slid up his body, slowly and with my own little kick of added vibrations. DJ IcEy had managed to overlay techno and trance songs...the effect...is indescribable. His body next to mine just added to sheer force, this underlying presence in the atmosphere itself.
I was completely gone. I had no mind and most certainly no heart. My body was merely a vessel for my soul. And much to my pleasure, did Ojike decided to slide along with me, his heated rainment sending chills up my spine. Kaworu must have had enough, or it was too hot for him, for he got off Ojike's back and went for water.
Which left me and the newest chosen all alone.
It was at this point, that I had lost all control of myself. And this is where I make my point. Throughout the ages, people have split things in half. Light and Dark. Good and Evil. Wrong and Right. And so, I take this to myself. There are two terms of which I am sure you are aware of, my dear journal. Selfless and selfish.
Selfless: Having no concern for self.
Selfish: Concerned exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.
Look good and hard. And think long and hard. Where do I fit in? What goes when? And how does it all work out?
The key...as always...is balance.
And so, that night, in my all-black attire, as the yang, I was selfish.
And it felt good.
Because I felt. And I felt for no one but myself. Not Takara, not Rido, not Gojyo, not Ikari, not Kaia...not anyone but myself.
Because I earned it.
Because I want it.
Because I deserve it.
With no complaint from Ojike, I slide up and down his body once again, grinding clothed-covered heated flesh against clothed-covered heated flesh. My deft fingers splayed along his back, giving feather-light caresses to the teen, playing along the nape of his neck. All this was returned and more by Ojike, much to my absolute pleasure.
I kicked things up a notch. Performing the slide...but twisting by body around, interlocking my arms over his head and pulling down, literally crushing his front to my back, still doing the age-old vertical motions. All this time, my eyelids closed, my ears reveling in his heavy breathing as it assaulted my skin. Fingers roaming down to play against the sensitive skin of his inner thigh. And this continued for quite some time, until another old favorite of mine decided to make itself known.
Iio's Rapture was an absolute hit during my father's time and in the current situation...it couldn't get any better then this. Flipping myself around again, pressing forehead to forehead, with fingers still splaying against his inner thigh, I asked the aeon-old question to the teen:
" Is it love or is it lust? "
And for a moment, I watches his hazel hues flicker. I watched him think, watched him feel. I knew at that moment that he wouldn't do it. I knew that he wanted to, wanted to be as lost in the rhythm emotion as I was. And as he whispered into my ear, breath tickling the sensitive skin, I shivered.
" Sadly, for you, I think it's lust, my friend. "
And he simply walked to the bar for a bottle of water. I am positive as I sit here and type, that he was refering to me and Takara. What Ojike failed to realize, was that he became a hypocrite in his own right. For earlier that day, the boy cheerfully voiced an old maxim that rings true even today.
Carpe Diem.
Seize the day. And so, my dear Ojike, why didn't you seize the moment? It was there for the taking. Grasp it when you can. Only one life to live. And there will only be so many opportunities. With his departure, I simply danced and swayed the night away, making sure he was unable to find me. A thirty minute walk back to Ikari's in the gloriously heated air, dancing all the way to my room. Even as I type, Iio's Rapture plays through my headphones.
And so, here I am, all in black, hot, sweaty and nerves lambasted with tingling post-sensation status.
And I have never, ever felt better.
As I finish this entry, and look to the yin-yang symbol on my wall, I can only smile. To some, it might look devious, to others, insane. To me, it looks like someone who had found his other half. And so, it has begun.
Prepare yourself, the rebirth is complete.
Shirou is once again whole.
Wings have no need of Angels, Clouds, Saints or Demons. All they have to do, is let the spirit soar and the soul shine. -Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
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I am honestly at a loss for words at the moment. The last few days have been hectic, contemplative, slightly amusing, revealing...and so much more.
The nitty gritty?
That's all I can write. I've been so emotionally tangled, that I cannot even fathom my current state. The time spent at Ayumi's beach house was well used; a vacation that was begging to be used.
And it did get used. After the collapse of Ikari's home to the rise of Serpentarius once again, it became my new haven.
It also became a way of the team slowly drifting away. The only real person I have had a talk with was Ikari. And that diatribe I posted.
I've honestly been so lost, that I actually spent two nights in a hole.
That I dug in the sand.
And that I covered and buried myself in.
It's really weird, I'm testing myself, but for what purpose, I really don't know.
A dramatic event concerning Gojyo and Seishi lambasted me recently. Seems that I had upset Gojyo, yet again. Seishi, being the fiercely protective friend he was, did almost all the talking for the boy. But even with his loyalty, it was obvious that I had done nothing wrong to the child.
I informed him I could not, nor would I, love him. He told me that was ok, he could deal with my intensive friendship. Guess what?
He lied.
No biggy, just like Rido. Just like Kaworu. I swear, men really really suck.
Of course, I'm rolling my eyes as I type this.
Eventually, we went after a running, sobbing Gojyo. He had an asthma attack and Seishi was his Savior for the evening. So it seems the torch has been passed. I laid on the table, the three major options for him to follow.
He choose, unwittingly or not, the option of Rido, hence minimal friendship with no physical contact. Like fucking hell I am going to risk something like that again.
So there you have it, three of the Chosen down, not too many left to go.
Who is next to fall to the almighty Shirou's wrath?
And my own sarcasm and cynicism is delightfully refreshing, let me assure you. I could have used extremely strong words when dealing with Seishi and Gojyo. With any and all of them. But like my father, I have a cool head and a calm composure, of which I am thankful for. The reason I am the counselor.
Ikari's house is finally redone. It's amazing how fast technology has improved, allowing for the rights -- and wrongs -- in this world. I'm locking up Ayumi's beach house and going back to Ikari's tomorrow evening.
And so here I am now, sleeping in Masako's bed. The poor teen has been sick with a cold, so I fixed her up dinner and dessert and offered to be her "plushie" for the evening. What else could I have done?
It is who I am. And very few people understand that.
One of these days, I am going to show all of them, if it goes too far, what a whore I could really be. People pay way too much attention to brief caresses and kisses, embraces and whispered words. Sexual taboos, mores; everything dealing with the teenage lifestyle.
I'm not a drug addict. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not a nymphomaniac.
I am me.
And no one, no one, will ever change that.
Sleep sweet, Masako-chan. I do believe you gave me your cold.
And with it, I will fight to the bitter end......
Eternally yours,
Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
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After an extremely painful diatribe on my past with Kaia, I decided to put it into this journal.
Thank you, Ikari. You are the last person I will ever love.
This I promise you, my friend.
As I stated, I had a girlfriend. Migami Kaia. We started dating...a while ago actually. Way back. Years ago. It was...magical. Special. Absolute. The love of fairy tales. It was a dream I never wanted to wake up from. Parents loved us. Parents loved each other. Planned for children, planned for wedding. Shared our first kiss together, first date. It was glorious and unbroken. We did things people in love were supposed to do. Picnics, dinner, dances, moonlit swims at the beach. Everything. Everything and anything you can think of. It was perfect. Two years ago, something happened. Something ugly happened. She had been spending time with this American named Chad. Seventeen, senior, had a car, everything. We had no reason to cheat on each other. Our relationship was perfect, or so I thought. I, never did a thing, nothing to anyone, especially to her. She came by my house one night. I was ready to go out for milkshakes and then maybe ride our bikes a bit. She comes up to the door, tells me she's spending tonight out with Chad, and slams the door in my face. What do I do? Nothing. Just blow it off, thinking maybe she had a bad day. Few hours later, she came back, hair all messed up, skirt and blouse all tousled. Asked her how she was, she said awesome. Said she was going out drinking with Chad. I asked why. Because she said she wanted to...and that was that. And so, I asked nicely, not for her to go. Bad things happen when people drink and drive. Bad things. She blew me off. I actually started to beg, plead with her, on my knees. She must have been a little tipsy, because she smacked me across the face and called me a weak fucking bastard. With a laugh, she ran and jumped in his Jeep. So I went back inside, and waited, and waited. And do you know what happened? Do you know what happened? I was up at four in the morning, watching the news, when a breaking special came on. Seems there was an accident on Sanada Boulevard. Seven car pile-up. I went completely and absolutely numb. With a force outside of my body, in my boxers alone, did I walk right out of my house.The accident was mere blocks from my house. I was actually there before all the firefighters and the rest. Five cars were in a flaming wreckage, and the other two were crushed together. I continued to walk, the heat unbearable. Of course the Jeep was there, as I thought it would be. Was she alive? No, that wasn't what I was thinking. I was thinking, did she deserve to be alive? And when I saw, her arm, leaning out of the broken window, on the floor, sliced with glass, the silver bracelet I bought for her, dangling, about to fall off...I just prayed to God to end my life. I thought I got lucky, when the Jeep and the other car exploded, and I was thrown back about 25 feet. But no, I woke up in the hospital the next morning...Remember when you asked about all the burns and cuts on my body, that day, Ikari? And I told you I was too close to one of my mother's inventions? Well, my dear friend. Now you know the truth. Now...you know everything.
Never again.
Eternally yours,
Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
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Tuesday, March 25th, 2036
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There are some nights in your life when everything just falls into your lap. Where everything turns out right. When things just matter not anymore. Of course, there are the highs and lows. But as you fall in your bed, exhausted and satiated, nothing matters. Pure contentment.
With the lack of Guardianial attacks, the day was shaping up to be pleasant and uneventful. I, of course, had to change that; by suggesting we go to that new Digital Museum that opened up. Me, Ikari, Rido, Takara and Setsuna. Quite a trip, actually. Four main wings; Digital History, Digital Strategy, Digital Applications and Digital Safety.
Photonic holograms were the informatives in each wing. Daisuke, Taichi, Yamato and believe it or not, my own father, Takeru. All in the same suit, the same crisp inflection to their voices. Quite a freaky treat. We learned quite a bit about?well, about the four main topics of the wings, more or less. While we were in the midst of leaving, this man showed up. I personally didn?t know him, but Setsuna and Rido seemed to be all buddy-buddy with him, so, I kept out of it. He did something to Yamato?s hologram, which Takara seemed very happy about. It?s hard to remember that she?s his daughter. Even harder to remember that we are actually cousins.
Later on in the day, a pillow fight ensued. As usual, things got out of hand, with my divulging Rido of his pants, and the subsequent action happening to me. Luckily, I was wearing boxers. Hah. Now at this point, I want to say my subconscious mind took over. And I would like to think that it did. That from the very beginning, the plan was formulated in my mind.
I got a spatula, plastic one. Did a little bit of cracking against the wall. Went all the way up to my room, where Rido was hiding with my pants. Literally broke down the door, pulled him out of the closet, put him over my lap and oh dear God did I let him have it. Actually, as I look back on it, I didn?t really. I could have hit a lot harder, but I didn?t need to. In fact, Rido bit into my thigh, giving me a little blood from there. Eventually, I did stop. Not because of Ayumi holding my arm, nor Masako?s warnings or Takara?s worries. It?s ironic what I said to him afterwards.
? Now think how much better it could have hurt if we were friends. ?
Ouch, ne? Hah, he still hasn?t told me he wants to be friends. Just friends. Of course, this is all water under the bridge, after I finish this entry. What I wanted, from the spanking, was answers. Why did he fall in love with me? How did he fall in love with me? When did it happen? What can be done now? And so on and so forth. Of course, the unconscious reasoning for all this came the moment he took Setsuna?s lance and gave me a smack on the ass. Which brought to light what had to be done.
Grabbed a metal spatula, went into the living room, laid across his lap, and told him to hit me.
He wouldn?t do it.
I kept going at him, screaming for him to do it.
He gives me some bullshit about protecting friends.
When I say hit me, I?m not some fucking lunatic, I have a plan! So go along with it!
But no, I had to literally use my hand to force his hand to hit me with the spatula and on top of this to slam my own body into the wall.
Finally, he gave me a really good blow to the stomach and another one to the chest. It looked like everything was going to work out.
This was what was supposed to happen. Emotional people, like Rido, spill out their souls in moments of extreme anguish, joy or distraught. And so, I wanted him to beat me until every last part of his soul was bared, until I got the answers I wanted.
But no, Rido had to cheat and take the easy way out. I seem a little callous, but this Rido to Ridomon thing, the ?trigger,? as he calls it, is very annoying and very much a thorn in all our sides. He went completely bonkers, even after I threw myself on him. Blew out of the complex and went out in the street. Completely bonkers.
I ran into the bathroom and had a complete epiphany. Why was Setsuna so calm? How could she handle this all so well? She seemed so determined, so complacent. I was feeling a little bit better, sadly, from the whole ordeal, it was obvious me and Rido couldn?t be anything more then acquaintances from now on. Following the trail of carnage, we came upon Ridomon, with Setsuna and Agumon. Ikari managed to find his way to us as well. And it dawn upon me with her words.
? You?ve left him to me, Shirou. Now leave. ?
That was the final straw. It clicked. Rido was now hers. They were together. They were an item. They are dating.
They are in love.
I pray, pray for them both.
She went off after him.
And Ikari, and me walked home. We reminisced, daydreams, held each other and simply enjoyed each other?s presence, to the fullest possible. I have never known such peace. My best friend of 15 years is still my best friend of 15 years.
After he headed off to bed, I stopped by to say goodnight to Takara. Ended up spending quite a bit of time with the young woman in her room. Talked a lot, cried a little, learned a bit about each other. I never want to hurt that girl. She is true innocence. She understands me, and I her. Bless her soul.
And as of now, I picked up Reno and Elena, as I promised Arashi.
Time for sleep.
A new day has come?
Eternally yours,
Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
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Saturday, March 22nd, 2036
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Life is full of decisions. You make choices everyday. Today, I made a choice. I choice that I do not regret and most likely will never regret. But I get ahead of myself.
Things between me and Rido have reached a boiling point, for him anyway. Setsuna?s Guardian showed up, Leo. It was an absolutely terrifying experience. Blood into fire. This of course, adds heavy evidence to the fact that the Digital World and the Real World are really connected in visual and optical manners. I know Resident Evil 12 just came out, but go back with me to Resident Evil Four, or Code Veronica as they used to call it.
The main evil in the game, Alexia Ashford, was infected with the T-Veronica Virus. By combining her human DNA with that of a virus, she was able to drastically increase her power. At the price of her sanity and eventually her life. But one of her major moves, was the ability to spurt blood that burst into flames.
Now tell me something, how could a Digital Guardian come up with that attack all by itself? It?s not possible. I felt that the team was thinking I was thinking like some fantasist, with my inquires into elemental ties and making references to games and books. It?s real. It?s as real as we are. What we are, what we create, it?s all in there.
The Guardian Battle was fierce and unexpected. Trident and all, I did my best, as usual. Angemon as well, protecting Masako and Gatomon, within the searing flames of Rido?s apartment, and putting out the flames, if not for a moment, by hitting a water main. The damage to Rido?s apartment was substantial, but Taichi again to the rescue; it?s been fixed already.
What really angered me, was the use of Beelzebumon by Ikari. Of course, my fears we only semi-substantiated, supposedly, they were both under their own control. Whatever Tenbrasmon is, it?s going to be one hell of a battle to get him out of there. I?m just glad that my old friend still has some semblance of who he is.
As for Rido, I don?t know what to say. He doesn?t even seem to need a Digimon, seeing how he is a hybrid; he can just Digivolve by himself, basically. I was so pissed when Leo her guardianial lance into my shoulder. And then Rido morphed into some other being and I flipped out. I slammed both my fists into its face?and it did absolutely nothing. Both him and Ikari have to learn, that sometimes, the solution is worse then the problem itself.
Eventually, Setsuna did wake up. Of course, the major problem here was that Kaia showed up once again. Is there a way to get rid of a ghost/Guardian of an ex-girlfriend that keeps haunting you? She managed to save me and Setsuna from a stray magma ball of Leo, only to fall pray to what I assume was an attack by Rido. Hah, I think I?ll call him Ridomon from now on. Circle of Sorrow, something like that. She disappeared in flash, as did Leo.
Next day, I don?t remember much of it. I do remember dancing to Umberto Tozzi?s Ti Amo with Angemon, which was a divine pleasure in itself. Somehow, things went back to Rido once again. And he ended up going postal. From what I understand, his half Digital Side is composed of the defeated viruses of the past. Now we are getting into some major combinations here. Time. Space. Reality. I am no physics major, so I don?t know much. But I am about as close as you can get to an empath.
Rido started going nuts downtown. And I asked my mother, to take it easy on him, don?t call out the National Guard. She is working around the clock to implement the Digital Buffers all around Odiaba. But at that moment, they really weren?t ready. I wasn?t going to go, I had said everything I wanted to say to Rido already.
That?s right, you don?t know. Well then, black and white, here we go. I had asked him a few days ago, actually a very important question.
? Rido, are you in love with me? ?
Not the exact words, but the question was obvious through action and other words.
His answer.
? Yes. ?
And there you have it. I asked him. I begged him. I made him promise, not to fall in love with me. Friends, that?s all we were supposed to be. And yet, Rido could not keep up his part of the bargain. And so, the night was left with a thickness in the air. I, of course, being the cooler head and the, if you want to call it mature, human language fails me again, one, made sure for him to know that we could still be friends. Only that the physical content of that friendship would now be unavailable, to either of us.
?????
Obviously, this didn?t work out well for Rido. Back to the story. I went with Setsuna, downtown. He had caused quite a bit of hell, destruction, hurt Digimon, all the rest. We tried to talk to him, me and Setsuna. Ikari wanted to kick his ass ?what else is new?? and I blew up at him, for which I am very sorry for. The situation was brought under control?with out me really. I got pissed off, walked away from them both.
Only to be greeted by Kaia the Bitch. Now, I had never actually thought my little Latin incantations would actually work on a ghost. But what did you know, it really did. And she disappeared. After blowing through me, trigger that forbidden hue and forcing me to another mind-blasting orgasm.
Which left me in the position to be hit by a car. Which was blunted with the trident and the pile of clothing I ended up in. Still hurt. Somehow, Rido was able to use a Digital Attack that was temporal based?and undo the carnage. Intriguing, isn?t it?
That was the first time. And the tension was still in the air. Next night:
Another big fight. I was laying on the floor, minding my own business, when it starts up all over again. I swear, that boy is as thickheaded as Ikari and Setsuna sometimes. I thought I finished it, but no, he has to barge into my room and give me some diatribe about me hiding behind a veil. That was the last fucking straw. I just completely got out of the house. After walking around for a few hours, I ended up in the movie theater by the beach, all set to watch some cheesy horror flick. And do you know who shows up?
Angela. Lovely, good old friend Angela. To increase brevity, she had just broken up for Francesco cheating on her with?get this?Ryan. I know, I?m shocked too. Eventually, we ended up making out in the make out corner, haha. And it felt so good to kiss for no reason but to kiss. Eventually, of all the bad Irish luck, would it have to have Setsuna to show up. Started screaming at us. I couldn?t give a flying fuck.
We blew that Popsicle stand, spent some time on the beach, in the water. Angela is gorgeous, by the way. Jet-black hair, deep azure eyes and almost a golden skin tone. She looked so striking.
After the beach, we decided to come back to Ikari?s, courtesy of Angemon. Got a cold welcome from Setsuna and Rido ?what else is new??, went straight into the kitchen. Got some lemonade, ignored everything and everyone. I spent the rest of the night, looking at pictures with her, with the occasional kiss stolen here and there. As I type this now, I found out Rido went on another rampage and did a lot more damage this time, Luckily, my mother and Taichi didn?t go as far to delete Ridomon, that would have been?I?m not going to say it.
But Rido is completely responsible for his actions. It is my theory that his unneeded and absolutely frustrating jealousy, is the cause of all of this. In fact, I called up the Digital Buffers on the apartment just in time, Ridomon caused a blizzard, as well as tried to hit the building. Unbelievable.
And so here I am, typing in candlelight, watching Angela?s beautiful form sleeping. The blizzard has dissipated and Kasaya said since it was Digitally created, it can be neutralized with the Buffers. By the time everyone wakes up, everything should be back to normal.
I think I am done, for now. Setsuna came in, nearly hypothermiated. Ridomon was babbling some incoherent things again, of which I repeated my stance.
? I want you to be my friend, but can you be just my friend? ?
The answer, so far, is no.
I hope it changes, not for my sake, but for his and the teams. I will survive and I will prevail. But if his jealousy keeps interfering with my life and his own, I will put him in his place.
Mark my words.
Eternally yours,
Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
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Thursday, March 20th, 2036
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I have honestly been having a writing block. I don?t know what it is. I know I have so much to say. But I cannot place it down on paper, so to speak. If I could hold it all in a little voice ball and let it out at once?bah, I?m rambling. It?s been too long.
Couple of days back, after Virgo, I accepted that get together with Rido. In fact, Rido and me have ? gotten ? close. Closer then some would like. Rather then bore you with the climax at the end, ( and oh how I love puns ) I blew him off. Yes, how lovely and vulgar, ne? This didn?t happen immediately, actually this happened recently. It was being built to a climax ( pun again. )
Went out clubbing twice. Had great times both times. First, got drunk off my ass. Ended up swapping some spit with Rido. Obviously, this pissed Setsuna off, who has marked Rido like a lioness marks her hunting territory. And so, the next morning, she sacked me with a bite to my left leg, courtesy of Agumon. It still hurts slightly, but whatever. I?m not grumpy, just overwhelmed with everything. Setsuna had excluded herself from the group for three days before coming back.
I got a book yesterday. One that will most likely change my life forever. Too much to write about it now. Let it be known that Kaia?s ghost visited me last night. Nasty things were said, she flipped out, flew right through me in an incorporeal form?and managed to trigger an orgasm. I?ll write more about that later. Just know the last few days have been immensely intense. Found a batch of oldies, listening to them now.
Gojyo and now Rido. Are you keeping score, Kaia? I know you are. I?m off to bed, Elena and Reno are waiting for me. Ohyasumi.
Eternally yours,
Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
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Tuesday, March 11th, 2036
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I refuse to write a lengthy entrance.
I am sore.
I am numb.
I am pissed.
Everything hurts.
Today, was Virgo. Nasty little bitch, really difficult. Angemon was taxed to the limit. Setsuna and Greymon did their best, while Growlmon and Birdramon helped out as well.
Takara eventually woke up. Ikari, of whom I am pissed beyond measure at, decided to call that fucking Beezelbumon again. If it wasn't for Takeru, Kasaya and Taichi showing up, we would all be dead.
With the added Angewoman, Angemon and War Greymon, we managed to beat them back. I keep saying we because this is a team effort. Everyone is needed. Everyone. I could have not done this alone. Nor could Ikari, nor Takara.
No one. Everyone helped out. Every little bit was instrumental in helping. I'm tirading because I think Setsuna thinks she's useless. She skipped out on the later half of the battle and it hurt me to see her go. I'll most likely talk to her later and probably be chewed out for it. I really don't care anymore, sometimes you need to take a strong stand on these things.
Takara had left before I could give her the scythe left by Virgo. I wish I could have talked to her about it too. It seems that I am putting myself out there for everyone. And it is taxing. But it is who I am. If I stop and don't do it, I don't know what else I could do or what else I could become.
And then, after all that, something else happens. Gomamon comes running in, bitching at me how Gojyo is gone. Eventually, we go looking for him at Sanada Park and find him the victim of a horrible discrimination crime. Bound, beaten and defaced. If I sound cold as I write this, know that I am not. Know that I was numbed and completely torn up at the site of my friend in the status he was in. I am just too tired to express it at the moment.
So we get him back to Ikari's, where Angemon tries to heal Gojyo through me. And it gets me thinking. How does his running his digital anti-virus algorithms through my body end up healing Gojyo?
I have a few theories, but too tired to theorize. For the moment, I will affirm that it did work. Talking to him a bit afterwards coaxed out that it was an old crush of his and his friends that perpetrated the crime upon his persona, go figure. Had to literally knock Ikari out with a little technique I learned from Iori-san, got a beautiful punch in the face for it too.
That boy is getting on my NERVES! >[
He was mumbling some shit about darkness and the void and Tenbrasmon and all this other crap. My anger is clouding my judgement, I will go over it in my mind later. I grabbed some pudding, shared it with Gojyo before heading off for a nap.
When I came back down, everyone was gone. Went out for a little walk, came back, met Rido on the staircase. Invited him for some lemonade, we talked. About the Guardians and the Zodiacs and how his father was the combination of DNA and data, which has always intriguied me. What shocked me the most, was that my simple act of walking over to him and placing a soft hand on his shoulder in a gesture of companionship, resulted in a fierce hug and his head on my chest. It seems that the stoic and intelligent Rido has a need for companionship that I can and will give to him.
One more couldn't hurt, it never does. He felt really guilty about it though, running out of the house, upset, after I accepted an invitation to play some "games" at his house. Yes, I see the innuendo, it doesn't bother me, I know he didn't mean it like that. And even if he did, who am I to judge?
The castle of ice and snow is gone. Melted. Dead. I can now do what I have to do. And with that, I say farewell.
Eternally yours,
Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
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Saturday, March 8th, 2036
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It?s funny really, my resolve in this. In the past 5 days, I have probably gotten 10 hours of sleep all together. How I do it and not collapse, is absolutely amazing, really. Sadly, the cold spell will be ending soon enough. Which once again, gives me the vigor and the resolve to finish what I started.
The moat is complete. With the fire hose, I filled it in with water and it froze over. I know it would be impossible for me to put a roof on it, but that?s ok. I had gone back over all the walls, and actually chiseled in with a butter knife, indentations that look like bricks. The front gate?s arch, with the help of the bench in the corner, now has this intricate little design on it. The dining room is set, with its main dining table, 4 chairs, ?snowware,? and quaint snow plates. The kitchen down in the west wing is also complete, with the creation of the snow stove, fridge and cutting table in the middle. I even have a little bowl of fruit and a garbage can in the corner for authenticity. Windows in all of these rooms of course, as I exit back into the main hall and into the east wing. Here stands the suit of armor I made that took about seven hours to craft, painstakingly I may add. The suit now proudly holds my silver trident.
Into the master bedroom, with its dual pictures on the wall. I did my best to imitate Starry Night and the Mona Lisa, and they came out ok. The large four-post bed came out great, with the columns having the same detail as the arch outside. The ice sheet on top has not melted, nor have any of the windows. And the twin candelabras on the wall add the ancient flare to my little castle of ice and snow.
Finally, the last room that was worked on was the snow library. Masako-chan and Setsuna-san helped out immensely with this one. It was very selfless of them and I feel really bad involving them in something that I really should have done alone. Regardless, Masako?s bookshelf for the library came out perfect, so I duplicated it four more times in a sixteen-hour period. Fit them all in the room, then spent another six hours working on crafting the books to go into the shelves, the writing desk and chair and the lamp to be put on the desk.
And I do believe that finishes everything. The twin towers on each side are also done with the utmost care. As my final touch, before I came in to write this and collapse in bed, I unfurled the full range of the hose and sprayed the entire creation with a light coating of water. If my calculations are correct, the entire house will gleam like a jewel in the morning when I come back to it. The whole food fight would have been hilarious if I wasn?t so utterly exhausted, both mentally and physically.
So, if you will excuse me, I have some much needed rest to attend to.
Till death do us part Kaia, may eternal sleep be with you in our castle?
Eternally yours,
Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
| Subject: | Final Promise |
| Time: | 9:51 pm. |
| Mood: | determined. | | Music: | Christina Milan - From AM to PM ( Old, but fitting ). |
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And now, I bring to you two nights in a row that I have not added to this journal.
The first, was spent basically with Ayumi. I had felt a little low, so when I do, I usually test the limits of my mind, body and soul.
Translation?
I went outside. In 17 degrees weather. Only in my robe and boots. And Ayumi decided to join me. It was one of those nice moments, feeling your lifeforce drain away. Lets you be thankful for being alive and happy that you can do what you can. She was probably going to get frostbite if I stayed a moment longer, so I gave her a quick kiss and went back in. Lit some candles and fell asleep with her. Very pleasent.
Following evening was spent resting with the oh-so-tense Ikari. We talked, we argued, chatted and relaxed. Talked about his past, our past, the future with the Digital World. Really philosophical and such. Nice touch from Ikari. I was finally getting him to loosen up, aka massages learned from Kaworu, when Mizuki comes in. She's real tired too and wanted to talk to her brother in the morning. Oh well, I seemed to have fell asleep on his back for about an hour. Woke up, writing this now.
Since it has started to snow, I have spent about 20 hours a day building this enormous snow castle outside. I don't know why...yes I do.
Because...she wanted to live in a castle...
And so Kaia, this is my goodbye. I build you this castle, this castle of ice and snow, the resting spot for your soul. When it melts, so do you from my life.
I have some building to do.
Eternally yours,
Takaishi Shirou
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(Restore Hope?)
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takaishishirou's journal
complacent.
sympathetic.
indescribable.
cynical.
exhausted.